


Love on the Ice

by Neromarcove, WolfyWordWeaver



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Family Feels, Found Family, Friendship, Homophobic Language, Ice Skating, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Injury, Injury Recovery, M/M, Miscarriage, Other, Pansexual Character, Pining, Polyamorous Character, Trauma, alternate universe- sport, non-binary!Sirius
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:48:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22623580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neromarcove/pseuds/Neromarcove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfyWordWeaver/pseuds/WolfyWordWeaver
Summary: At the dawn of a new era in sports, the figure skating pair Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon are out for gold medals. To get there they have to go through their fellow American team of Remus Lupin and Lily Evans as well as the prestigious world contenders that were once considered family to Sirius. Tensions are high, the spins are dangerous, and the blades are sharp - who will come out a winner?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 80
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sirius is non-binary but is not out publicly. Only select few know.

Pair skating.

To the uneducated and uninitiated it’s a strictly feminine prance about ice with two people in showy costumes who entertain with the occassional thrilling toss. To those who have spent any amount of time on the ice it is a breathtaking sport that has the honor of being considered the most dangerous branch of figure skating. It’s one of the oldest Winter Olympic sports having been introduced at the 1908 Summer Olympics in London. Although it has overgone many reforms through the years, there has been one constant that these athletes share with their athletic siblings all over the globe – the hunger for gold.

For the Americans it’s at a near-crazed desperation. Compared to the Russians, Germans, and Chinese they have struggled for decades in order to even stand on the podium of the World Figure Skating Championship or the Winter Olympics. Many hard working and talented pairs have offered their blood, sweat, and tears on the altar of the sport only to once more return home empty handed.

It was this world that two American teams began slowly but surely carving out a name for themselves. When it came to grace and beauty, no one could hold a candle to the dynamic duo of Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon. No one could match the charisma and grace of Sirius or the style and flawless execution of Marlene. They were captivating and an unstoppable force heading through the pair skating community.

But for every unstoppable force was the immovable wall, and that was the pair skating team of Remus Lupin and Lily Evans. Where Black and McKinnon were unmatched in grace and style, Lupin and Evans consistently shocked the judges and audiences with their daring routines. Lily was small enough to be thrown in the air with considerable height and a frightening number of rotations while Remus had the strength and build to support his partner and push the edge of possibility with flips and spins.

As Sirius cut easily through the ice and lazily wound through the basics, they thought back to the last season. It had been neck and neck competition between the two pairs all the way up to the World Championship and the end result had been disappointing to say the least. Lupin and Evans had managed to break a nearly two decade drought in medals by earning a Bronze while Black and McKinnon had placed directly behind them.

Shaking off the disappointment that still clung to them, Sirius took several deep breaths and let their body relax and enjoy the free skating. There was no one else in the rink this early in the morning and they enjoyed the peace and quiet. They could feel the weight of the world escape them. Here there were no scores, no routines, no press, and no rules. They could just let their mind be free and skate to their heart’s content.

As they completed a quad loop with ease they smiled. This is where they felt at home. This is what kept them grounded and sane. Sirius did a small figure eight just for fun and chuckled. Their long black hair flowing around their shoulders as they moved, the citrus scent of their last shampoo still lingering. Going through the basics again, they paid attention to all of their muscles and joints and tested for areas of weakness and instability.

After that, Sirius found themselves once more thinking about the previous season and how they were going to do better this season. They were going to beat Remus and Lily this year, dammit. Their body practically vibrated with anticipation. When a Black set their mind to something, come hell or high water, it would be accomplished.

Indulging in a final lazy quad sequence, Sirius started in surprise after their landing when they noticed someone moving by the rink wall. Cutting to a sharp stop, Sirius wiped the hair out of their face thinking that maybe it was James coming to check on them. 

It wasn’t. Sirius growled as they recognized the too-cool expression on Remus Lupin’s face and the casual ease of his body leaning against the boards. He was naturally waiting right by the exit so Sirius would have to pass by him on their way out.

“Problem, Lupin?” they snarled as they noticed the brown-haired man eyeing them. 

Remus shrugged one broad shoulder as he pushed off the boards to stand up straight. “Your form on those axles is pretty loose, Black. Planning on letting me win again?” His deep voice was coated in infuriatingly honeyed sarcasm.

Before Sirius could give him a proper verbal lashing, the taller skater quickly took off to the ice. As if to demonstrate his point, Remus executed a perfect triple axle and triple toe loop in succession. He threw a smirk at Sirius as he skated backwards away from them.

Sirius felt a frustrated growl leave their throat. “Bastard,” they muttered as they stepped off the ice and strutted to the lockers to slip on their blade covers and get out of the skates so that they could be back in the comfort of their combat boots.

“Hi, Sirius!” a voice chirped just outside of the locker room doors and they couldn’t help but smile at their favorite bouncing blonde. She was all smiles and all pep, a welcomed contrast to their darker moods and attire. 

They smiled at her. “Hello, Marly. How are you, love?”

“I’m great!” she responded with a bright smile. “I was just headed to the locker room to get changed into my gear. You just finished, I take it?” she asked looking down at their black skates.

“Mmhmm,” they agreed with a slight frown. “And just in time too.” They shoved their hands deep into the pockets of the black hoodie that they wore for practice.

“Remus showed up, I take it,” she said with a little laugh.

“Yes,” they replied a little grumpily. “That smarmy bastard had the nerve to criticize my skating! Like I was fucking asking for his opinion!” They ran agitated fingers through their shoulder-length hair.

Marly nodded while doing a terrible job of trying to hide her smile. “Well, he kinda has bragging rights, Sirius. They beat us last year.” A snicker slipped out as she tucked a bit of blonde hair behind her ear.

“By half a point, Marls! Half a damn point!” Sirius threw their hands in exasperation. “If I had just held that spin with you a little longer we would have had them.” A dark look crossed their face. “Half a point,” they muttered looking down at the floor.

With arms crossed over their chest and those plush lips set in a pout, Marly couldn’t help but think that Sirius looked very much like a child. She was glad that they trusted her enough to show their petulant side.

“It’s okay, Siri,” she comforted while reaching out and patting them on the head. “We’re going to win this year, and we’re going for the gold. The season is just starting but we’re already putting in the work. James and Alice are going to have a great routine for us, and besides, there’s no way that they could beat us two years in a row, right?” Each of her words carried an easy confidence that she hoped would cheer them up.

“You’re right, Marls,” they stated with a deep exhale. “We’re going to kill it this year. No one’s going to keep us from taking gold at the World Championship and the Olympics. Not even my crazy cousin and her stuck-up sister.” They lifted their chin and uncrossed their arms, gaining a couple of inches as they straightened their spine and stood tall.

As if the cut-throat competition among the Americans wasn’t enough, two of Sirius’ cousins were world-class pair skaters who already had coveted gold and silver medals. The crazy cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange, had been partnered with Tom Riddle for years under the Russian flag. Narcissa Malfoy was paired with her husband Lucius and they skated for Germany for several years now. It was a complete nightmare for Sirius once the competitions took to the international stage.

While their dear cousin Cissy and her husband were just highly competitive and snobby, Bella was a whole different story. Not only was she bat-shit crazy, but she was also not afraid to deal with her competitors in underhanded ways that included sabotage and bribery. If the rumors were to be believed, than her husband also had connections to some of the mafia families there in Russia. Not a single offense had ever successfully been pinned on her and it frustrated Sirius to no end.

For now, they knew that they had to ignore the stories and the drama. They need to stick to their skates and the routines, and at the end of the season they would finally face off against their family. It was something that they were both dreading and looking forward to. 

Shaking themselves from their thoughts, Sirius looked up at Marly. “Sorry. I’ll let you get to your skates now. Just watch out for Lupin. He’s a cocky bastard this morning.”

Marly nodded. “I’m not worried about it. He likes me.” Her laughter echoed down the hall as she skipped off to change in the locker room.

They smiled after her, carding a hand through their hair. They headed for the men’s locker room and changed out of their plain black hoodie, sweats, and skates into their leather jacket over a black t-shirt, their favorite worn-out black skinny jeans, and their combat boots. As they pulled back their long black hair into a low ponytail, Sirius caught sight of the wall of champions. It held pictures of all the medal holders for all the competitions from the last decade. Their eyes stopped on the picture of Remus and Lily standing on that podium, both ecstatic to be holding their Bronze medals.

“Not this year, Lupin,” they said quietly before picking up their bag and heading for the door out to the lobby area. “The gold is ours.”


	2. Chapter 2

The sounds of skates scratching across the ice echoed in the enclosed rink as Remus skated his way through the bones of his and Lily’s short program. Only one ear housed an earbud for the music they would be performing to while his other ear was on alert for the sounds of anyone else coming onto the ice. Drawing to the close of the routine, he finally allowed a smile on his lips and an extra bit of flair in his movements. There was nothing more that Remus loved than gliding on the the ice. He would set up camp and live there for the rest of his life if he could.

Snapping into the ending position, the tall brunette took a quick inventory of his body. Everything still felt good even as he forced his lungs to take deep slow breaths rather than the ragged gasps he wanted to indulge in. Half of the beauty of the sport was making it look effortless and doubled over gasping for breath hardly displayed that. Instead he noted how much sweat he had worked up and again thanked his lucky stars that the cool temperatures of the rink kept him from being a sopping wet rag like he got at the gym. With an abrupt spin, Remus skated lazily backwards through the rink again as he ran through the short program in his head once more.

This year Alice and James had really outdone themselves with putting together the program and its modifications. It was a routine chock-full of the usual turns, spins, jumps, and tosses as well as several cutting edge stunts. He and Lily would have to be on top form in order to be able to make it through all of the elements, but if they executed the routine Remus was sure it and the free skate would finally land them the gold this year at the Nationals and Worlds. Gold at the Olympics would be more of a challenge as Lestrange and Riddle were sure to be there, but Remus knew that he and Lily would finally put up a good fight for that gold as well.

With a final step sequence, Remus turned towards the exit and was surprised to notice a certain unruly mop of black hair on a tall gangly man with a certain stunning redhead pressed up against his side. Those vibrant green eyes under the red bangs twinkled mischievously and he knew that Lily was pleased to see what he had been running through.

While James Potter was his hard-ass coach and Lily his skating partner, there was no other title in the world that fit the two of them better than that of “friends”. Lily and James had been there for him through so many moments in his life – the awkward high school phase while competing, when he had come out to the public as pansexual, and during that horrid public breakup with the wild Fenrir. Through it all the Potters had been a constant force of support and with perserverance their team came out with a bronze medal at the Worlds last season.

The worst experiences had always been the unneccessary focus on his sexuality. He was an athlete, for fuck’s sake, not a porn star! But the announcement of his pansexual status during an interviw with _Sports Illustrated_ had led to a firestorm that he was still feeling the flames from. Slurs and hate speech had been near constant until the shocking Third Place finish at Worlds. No one could deny that regardless of who he liked to take to bed, Remus Lupin was a champion and his position as one of the top-ranked skaters would not be overshadowed. James and Lily had been by Remus’ side through everything and had always encouraged him to keep his head held high.

With a grin, Remus quickly made his way over to the exit. “Hey, you two,” he greeted before shaking James’ hand and pressing a kiss to Lily’s cheek. “How are you doing?”

He grabbed his water bottle from the edge of the boards and took a long drink.

“We’re doing good,” Lily responded with a sweet smile. She leaned a little more into James’ side. “How about you? You were looking pretty fired up out there.”

He shrugged while swishing the cool water around his hot mouth. Stepping off the ice, he was careful to slip on the skate covers over his newly sharpened blades. “It’s a great program,” he finally replied. Green eyes narrowed as he examined James’ nervous body language. The man was moving from foot to foot like he was trying to figure out how to bring up something that he knew was going to bug Remus. With a sigh he decided to go for the direct route. “What is it, James? You’re squirming like a toddler who has to take a piss.”

James snorted in amusement as Remus straightened up and leaned against the boards, arms crossing over his sweater-clad chest. The bespectacled man bit his lip and looked everywhere but at Remus.

“There may or may not be a press conference tomorrow,” he finally muttered with a wince and a half-step behind Lily.

“What?” Remus growled as he straightened off the wall. He _hated_ press conferences.

“I’m sorry Remus, but you know that this is important for us to do,” Lily tried to soothe as she reached out to touch his shoulder. “It’s going to be fine, honey, you know that.”

Remus sighed angrily. “I know, but I just hate these things. They’re like fucking vultures picking over the carcass of my sexuality and supposed hatred of Sirius Black. This is supposed to be about our skating, not silly drama! And besides, I don’t hate Black.” A wicked grin spread over his lips. “I just like to rile the bastard up.”

“Which feeds the drama-hungry press,” James grumbled.

Remus pretended not to hear him. “Speaking of the primadonna, did anyone tell him about this _amazing_ turn of events?”

“Yes, I called him,” James replied as he rubbed at the back of his head. “He and Marly will be there dressed to the nines, and I expect the same from you.” Remus rolled his eyes but knew better than to argue with James when his coach-voice came out.

“Fine, I’ll be there,” he sighed as he raised his hands up in defeat. “I’m going to go get changed and head home. I’ve got to get my damned suit sent to the cleaners.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow!” Lily called out after him.

He responded by waving them off and marching to the lockers.

—————————

Remus showed up a bit early for the press conference dressed in a classic black suit with a white button-up shirt and a black tie. He swallowed thickly as he saw all the cars and vans indicating the different reporting groups that would be there. He really did hate these events with a fiery passion. Slipping in unnoticed, Remus gave the crowded room a quick once-over and headed towards the back where the rest of his team was. Lily was dressed in a stunning green cocktail dress and delicately held onto her husband’s arm. James was dressed similarly to Remus but with a green tie that matched the color of his wife’s dress.

Next he spotted Marlene, the woman dressed in a beautiful black dress that shimmered when she moved. Standing tall next to her was none other than Sirius Black. He had his raven hair pulled back in a low ponytail with a few strands of the silky hair strategically framing his aristocratic face. It roughened the edges of his impeccable figure and added some charm to his otherwise cool demeanor. He was dressed in an all black suit complete with a black button-up shirt and a matte black tie.

If Remus was honest, Sirius painted a beautiful picture all dressed up like that, and as long as he kept his mouth shut it would stay a pretty picture.

Sirius caught Remus eyeing him and sneered. “You know, Lupin, if you take a picture it would last longer.” That annoyingly melodic voice was heavily coated in sarcasm.

Without missing a beat, Remus pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of the glowering man. “Thanks for the advice,” he replied easily, seeing the surprise in the other man’s eyes. A sharp grin curled on his lips. “This will help me to know what _not_ to wear next time.”

He thrilled at the fury that blossomed over the young man’s face.

“Why you little mother-”

“Whoa, boys,” Marly interrupted, digging her fingers into Sirius’ arm before he could properly wind up for a punch. “Let’s play nice, okay?” Her voice carried a sickeningly sweet tone that tried to keep the heat crackling between the two skaters from burning any hotter. “We’re all on the same team, here.”

Lily and James had come up to Remus, probably guessing that he had once again done something to get under Black’s skin. He turned to the bemused coach and smirked. “Can we get this over with already? I have things to do.”

James nodded and turned towards the large double doors that led to the conference room. “Let’s go take our seats.”

On the other side of the doors was a small stage with a long table on it. Below the stage was a large crowd of reporters, all clamoring for their seats. As they stepped up to the stage, the men pulled out the seats for the women. Once they were all seated, James spoke.

“Thank you all for coming today. My teams and I are ready to answer some questions.”

Hands shot up everywhere and James pointed to one near the middle. It was everyone’s favorite gossip columnist, Rita Skeeter.

She cleared her throat theatrically and stood. “Mr. Lupin, how does it feel to be the only pansexual skater out in the open? I’m sure that it has been causing trouble for you, hasn’t it?” Her voice carried a certain shrillness that was reserved for the seventh level of journalistic hell.

Remus leaned forward to the microphone and spoke calmly. “I feel pretty normal Ms. Skeeter. I mean, I’m also one of the only green-eyed competitors and I’m still waiting to get asked how I feel about that. I feel rather normal about that too, for the record. Whom I prefer to date does not reflect on my skating any more than my eye color does.”

He leaned back just as calmly and watched as she scribbled out some notes in her notebook and took a seat. James picked another reporter and this one directed his question to Sirius.

“Mr. Black, there have been rumors going around that your brother Regulus Black will never be able to compete again after his tragic accident during the Worlds competition last season. Is that true? And how does that affect your relationship with the rest of the Black family?”

Sirius leaned forward. “What my brother may or may not being doing this season is none of my concern. If you’re here to ask about him, you’re in the wrong place. Go talk to him. As for how it affects the relationship I have with the rest of the family? It doesn’t affect that at all.” Remus could hear the man’s struggle to keep his voice even.

—————————

The questions continued for another hour until the interview portion of the event was finally considered over. After that, the two teams and their coach made their way back into the large ballroom where there were hors d'oeuvres and drinks now being served. Sirius downed a fluted glass of champagne immediately before shoving a few of the oddly named finger foods into their mouth so that they wouldn’t have to try to carry on a conversation with anyone. They were all talked out at this point and wanted nothing more than be home and tucked into a nest of blankets and pillows. Speaking about or hearing of their blood family always put Sirius into a bad mood and it was even worse after today.

They had been so worried about Regulus all these months and hated that they never got a response back from any of their texts or emails to their brother. Sirius didn’t think that they could ever forget the horror of almost seeing their brother die out on the ice while the fucking cameras kept rolling shamelessly. Everyone loved a good drama.

Sirius felt their phone go off in their pocket and when they plucked it out of their pocket all color drained from their face as they saw the name of the screen. Rushing towards the exit doors near the back, Sirius quickly pushed the answer button.

“Reggie?”


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius felt their heartbeat race and their breath coming in short gasps as they listened for Regulus on the other end of the line. It was quiet for a long moment before they heard a small and familiar voice speak.

"Hey, Siri. How have you been?" The younger Black's voice was too calm and upbeat, something that Sirius had heard too many times before.

"Cut the shit, Reggie," they demanded in worry as they glanced up and down the sidewalk for the valet. "What's going on? Are you all right?" 

Their fingers snapped in irritation as the young man with the keys stumbled with the getting the correct one and another person rushed off to get the car. Fuck, they should have just brought the bike today.

"No need to get snippy," Regulus grumbled. There was another long pause and a sigh. "I...I need your help. I can't be here anymore." Sirius' eyes widened at the unfamiliar tone in their brother's words. "I know that I have no right to ask for anything, but you're the only one I can turn to. _Please_ , Si-"

"I'm on my way," they interrupted, bouncing on their feet as they caught sight of their car being pulled up. "I'm catching the first flight out and I'll be there as soon as I can. Pack your things."

"Thank you, Siri," Regulus sniffled on the other end of the line .

Sirius felt an uncomfortable clench in their chest. "It's fine. Just do as I said, okay? Will you be okay at home until then or do you need to get out right now?"

"I'll be fine," he mumbled. 

"Okay, good. Pack your stuff up and I'll be there before you know it."

Sirius had never rushed to their apartment and gotten dressed as quickly as they did that evening. A flight was already booked and they were driven to the airport by an Uber while they tried to make sure that they had everything they needed. The overnight bag had a change of clothes, some toiletries, a charger for their phone, their Kindle, their favorite neck pillow, and an exercise band. They had even managed to throw in a few granola bars at the last minute knowing that they still needed to keep close to their diet as well as getting as much exercise as possible during the long flights to and from London. 

For the first time since they left home, Sirius regretted moving half a world away. It had been so important to get as far away from their birth family as they could at the time, but right now it had only served to make getting their brother out that much harder. It was going to be nearly 36 hrs to get to London from San Diego due to all the stops and layovers, but it was the best that they could do on such a short notice.

They groaned quietly to themselves as they went through the security check. No doubt James would be royally pissed off when he found out what Sirius was doing, but they couldn't help it. Regulus needed their help. After getting settled into the cramped cabin, they considered sending a quick text to their coach and friend to let him know what was going on but decided against it.

James could try to talk them out of this, so they shut their phone down and stared out into the darkness as they waited for the airplane to take off. Knowing that they wasted most of the day preparing for the press conference, Sirius settled into their seat as best as they could and began going through their isometric routine for flights. They would be able to jog and do other large movement exercises during their layovers, but they still wanted to get something in now before their brain could focus on all the reasons that Regulus was calling for help.

The deep calming breath exercises that their therapist taught them came automatically now, years after they started doing them and it helped them through the anxiety of take-off. In no time at all the lights were turned down low and most people were content to either nap or read. Sirius continued going through the isometric exercises, tensing one muscle group at a time and holding it before relaxing and repeating. There were a lot of muscle groups in the human body and they were determined to work out every one of them if they could. 

But try as they might, it was impossible to keep their mind from shifting towards the memories of the last time they had seen Regulus. 

_Blood was steaming over the ice and the screams were deafening._

Sirius shook their head and turned their attention back to the exercises. It was going to be a long 36 hours.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Once in Chicago, Sirius made sure to have their phone turned on so that Regulus could get a hold of them if needed, but otherwise kept all notifications off. They knew that they would be missed during practice, but there was nothing to be done about that. With a little more breathing room, they did their best to ignore the crowds of travelers and just focused on active stretching and doing their calisthenics with the exercise band. Airport food was going to be a pain in the ass for keeping up with their diet, but the few days off their schedule wouldn't kill them. It might kill Lily after all the effort she went into writing those meal plans up, but it was a risk Sirius was willing to take. 

A small smile curled on Sirius' lips as they imagined the tiny yet fierce woman ranting and raving about _how dare he_ go off of her meticulously put together meal plan. The red hair was definitely indicative of the fiery personality that she had and they remembered the years of being on the receiving end of that scathing tongue until they finally befriended James and then her. 

They still hadn't managed to befriend Remus, but that only brought a snarl to their lips. They didn't _want_ to befriend that prat.

He had been just as infuriating when they first met on the international stage as he was now that they competed for the same country. Memories of teenage Remus, something that really wasn't that far removed from their current ages of 21 years, flitted through their mind. The green-eyed boy hadn't always had such a solid build and had even been on the scrawny side when they first started competing against each other. It hadn't been until Remus started dating that nut-case Fenrir that he learned how to properly put on some muscles and the following Grand Prix tournament had left Regulus mercilessly teasing his older sibling about the thirsty look in their eyes.

_"Anyone can see you drooling," Regulus snickered as he elbowed Sirius in the side._

_"Why are his muscles so...so out there?!" Sirius whimpered as they tried not to be too obvious about eyeballing the American competitor. "Dear Gaia, look at those biceps!"_

_"Dat ass," Regulus stated in his best pseudo-American accent making the both of them chortle behind their hands before a too-familiar rolled up magazine smacked the both of them upside the head._

_Coach Snape glared at the two brothers in annoyance. "Are you checking out the opponents or_ checking out _the opponents."_

_Sirius flushed in embarrassment while Regulus had just laughed at their expense._

Sirius wondered why they hadn't enjoyed those days more while they were living them. Those memories of laughter were precious few between all the cold ones, like a delicate flower crushed between the pages of heavy tomes. There were far more memories of grueling work and tears of fear, pain, and frustration. Many memories of red welts and degrading screams, of too-tightly taped joints and false smiles plastered on perfectly made-up faces. But there were still the memories of laughter, shared candy while hiding under bleachers, and snuggles on hotel beds.

Things were going to be different now, Sirius assured themselves. They weren't going to let anyone get between them and Regulus ever again. They were going to make new memories together, ones full of laughter and joy. That would be the rule rather than the exception now. Mother and Father couldn't take him away now even if they wanted to.

Rolling out their ankles, Sirius allowed themselves to finally think about the injury Regulus sustained at the previous Worlds. No one knew the extent of the damage, but the rumors about them being career-ending made them worry. What if it was true? Figure skating had been the only lives that the brothers knew. What would they do if Regulus couldn't do it anymore? Could he even walk? 

A cold dread curled in their stomach as they wondered about the state of their brother. It had been three months since the accident, and while they didn't expect any rehabilitation would have Regulus competitively skating already, next year was the expectation. Walburga and Orion would not settle for less. Shaky hands combed through their wavy black hair as they wondered if that's why Reggie finally called them. 

They didn't want to believe it, to even think of such a thing. But what else could this call mean?

Tears pricked at Sirius' eyes as they remembered the night of the accident.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is completely a flashback to the previous Worlds. Trigger warning for blood, severe injury, medical trauma, etc.

_/flashback/_

A stream of colorful curses spilled past Sirius' lips as they leaned forward on their knees and tried not to cry in frustration. Marlene rubbed their back comfortingly but they could feel the tension in her body as the arena was filled with the cheers and deafening screams of excitement. Third and Fourth place, the Americans were so close to finally claiming a medal! But dammit all, Remus and Lily slipped ahead by half a point! 

"My fucking fault!" Sirius grit through their teeth, thankful that their loose hair was keeping their face from being exposed to the millions of cameras snapping away. "Blood fucking hell!"

Marlene leaned over and put her head against their shoulder. "It's over, love. We had a great performance; there's no shame in that at all."

"I'm sorry," they whispered dejectedly. 

"You can buy me and the wife a 5-gallon tub of ice cream later, okay?" she teased with a soft pinch to their bicep. "You're even invited to come cry it out with us."

"Fuck you," they shot back half-heartedly. "It's not on my meal plan."

That brought a much needed laugh to the two of them and after quickly wiping their eyes, Sirius stood up proudly next to Marlene. 

"I swear," she teased with another laugh, "no one sticks to those meal plans like you do. Not even James!"

Sirius glanced over at James excitedly squeezing Lily and peppering her face with kisses while Remus was leaning back and warning James not to get too close. Those two deserved the win and Sirius knew it. There was always next year. 

Taking a deep breath, Sirius glanced at the scoreboards and tried to listen in to the commentary offered by the American announcers. There was only one pair left to compete tonight and it was the make-or-break moment for the American teams. 

"And warming up on the ice right now is the final competitors of the evening, Regulus Black and Alecto Carrow!" 

There was the usual excited roar from the crowd and like the ridiculously posh arsehole he was, Regulus offered a royal-esque bow as he made the laps around the rink before swooping towards the center with his partner. Sirius ignored the slightly down turned lips of their brother as Regulus shook out his ankles one final time before taking position. The arena became deathly quiet as everyone watched with baited breath. 

The aching moans of the violin began and the pair of skaters began their beast of a routine. It was a variation of this that had stolen the gold medal out from under Bellatrix and Tom during the Grand Prix and everyone knew better than to underestimate the two skaters this time around.

Sirius pressed in their earbuds, their phone already on the app where they could better hear the live-action commentary from the announcers, but their eyes never moved away from Regulus. Marlene stole one of the earbuds and the partners clung closely to each other. Sirius could only guess at how nervous Remus and Lily were. 

"And a beautifully executed death spiral," Rosmerta gasped in awe. "These two are out for nothing less than the gold, Aberforth."

"You can see both American teams holding their breath," Aberforth whispered as if speaking any louder would damage the magic of the routine being executed in front of them. "If Regulus and Alecto place in the top three, that automatically knocks Lupin and Evans off the podium!"

"Oh my," Rosmerta breathed out again as Regulus executed the first lift perfectly and Sirius found that they were indeed holding their breath.

"Fuck," Marlene whispered, her blue eyes wide.

"Double fuck," Sirius whispered in response.

While Regulus didn't have the build of Remus to his advantage, the little prick had gone and gotten taller than Sirius and his height was a definite advantage in performing the more risky lifts and throws. Sirius and Marlene were almost the same height and weight which left them a bit lacking in what they could perform in the realm of over-head actions.

"Remus and Lily have got to be shitting themselves," Marlene added. "I think I just wet myself a little."

"How are they even doing that well?" Sirius groaned softly. 

Regulus performed very much like his older sibling as he was also blessed with naturally fantastic grace and flexibility, but his extra height and broader shoulders allowed him to also perform with a lot of strength. Alecto was not as small as Lily and the two could never pull off as many nail-biting stunts, but it was that perfect balance of technique, grace, and guts that Regulus seemed to present effortlessly that made him a serious contender for the gold here at Worlds. It would be the first gold earned at the Worlds by either of the siblings and Sirius found themselves getting a little emotional. 

Yes, they really would have preferred that it was them up there performing a gold-worthy routine, but they would never belittle the effort and hard work that Regulus put into being there. Regulus absolutely deserved all the accolades and recognition he was getting this season, and it only made Sirius want to work harder so that they could be standing there on the podium with their little brother the next time.

Sirius gasped in shock at an uncharacteristic wobble from their brother as he and his partner landed a quadruple Lutz and the entire arena was shouting and screaming now. Marlene clasped their hand tightly as the two of them watched with bated breath. Bloody hell, this whole ordeal was going to give Sirius a heart attack! Before they could murmur anything to Marlene the unthinkable unfolded before the eyes of thousands. There was a beautiful toss and catch which was immediately connected to a cannonball spin and then Regulus was on the ground.

"No!" Sirius gasped as they crushed Marlene's hand in a death-grip at the sight of their brother curled on the ground and Alecto jerking to a halt from her routine.

There was a second of absolute shock from the entire arena before Alecto was screaming bloody murder and Sirius saw red.

_Blood!_

There was blood on the ice!

Alecto was screaming and skating away, and no one could see what the real damage was, but Regulus was still on the ice and over the sound of a musical tune that would leave Sirius feeling a bit sick for the rest of their life, Sirius could hear the pained screams of their little brother.

There was no conscious thought, and honestly, Sirius thought that maybe they had blackout out for a few seconds, but the next thing they knew, they were sliding to a stop over their brother. Falling to their knees, Sirius' hands hovered over the shaking body as they tried to see where the blood was coming from. Blood soaked through the entire pant leg and by the time their crazed eyes caught sight of the first cut Coach Snape was also hovering over with another man. Regulus screamed again and his leg shuddered, spraying all three people with hot blood.

It didn't look like something that should ever be seen on a living, breathing human being, the gaping wound of reds and purples of the human musculature and sickening white that looked like damaged ligaments. Or maybe tendons? Sirius didn't know or particularly care as they took the towel from Snape and shoved it onto the gushing wound. Snape ripped his sweater off and shoved it onto the wound as well, the blood too easily soaking through.

"It's over!" Regulus wailed, blood already smeared over his smooth face. "Fuck, no, fucking bloody no!"

"Shhh, you gotta breath, R-reggie," Sirius urged, their voice trembling as badly as the quivering muscles under their fingers.

"Lay back, we have to elevate this fucking leg!" the coach ordered frantically.

Somehow, James Potter was there too. "Shit, watch those skates!" he warned and that's when Sirius first saw the shattered blade. "Cover the damned blades or we're going to have another damn accident!"

How the hell did a skate blade shatter like that?! 

They were all trying to work quickly to pack all the bleeding wounds with as much as they could until the medics could get out onto the ice, and Regulus' frantic cries and pained screamed morphed into pained whimper and moans.

"No, no, keep your eyes open for me," Sirius begged, the color of their brother's face turning ashen.

"He's losing too much fucking blood," Snape grit out as he put his whole body's weight against the injuries, sandwiching the damaged limb between the two coaches. 

Regulus let out a short scream of agony before his eyes rolled back and he fainted. 

"Don't let him do that!" James screamed and Sirius was already slapping at their brother's face and checking his pulse.

"No, no, stay awake, Reggie, you got to stay awake!"

There was no response for a breath before those grey eyes fluttered open.

"It's over," he moaned, tears still rolling down his face.

**

"And he is in surgery right now where the doctors are trying to determine the exact nature of the injuries and a treatment plan for moving forward. We ask you to keep Mr. Black and his family in your thoughts and prayers and we will have a moment of silence here before presenting the medals. Please take a moment."

Sirius stared at their black chucks and tried not to pay attention to their still shaking hands carefully shoved into the pockets of their team pullover. They knew that cameras would be undoubtedly zooming in on their face and that commentators would be talking about them and their family, so Sirius kept on the carefully cultivated mask of indifference. Their eyes were hardened as to not allow anyone the privilege of seeing how horridly torn up they were right now. Marlene kept glancing over at them and James put his arm over their shoulders but they stood immobile.

Regulus could still die; he wasn't out of danger yet. They wanted to get on the ambulance and go with their little brother, but there were too many medics needed and not enough space for a passenger. When they had started to run to catch a ride to the hospital, Coach Snape had pulled them aside and regrettably informed them that Walburga and Orion had no intention of letting Sirius see Regulus. That they wouldn't press charges for a breach of their restraining order, but they would if Sirius insisted on going to the hospital. It was a hurt that cut Sirius more deeply than even the initial restraining order. They could lose their only sibling tonight and not even be allowed to be there. 

For a moment Sirius wasn't sure that they could keep the indifferent mask up and their eyes began to water. Reggie could die! Their little brother, the first one they ever told their secrets to, the one who had always been there until these last few years, the only other one who truly knew the horrors of growing up under the shadows of Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa and the iron rule of Walburga. Regulus. Their baby Reggie.

A warm body pressed up behind them and a familiar voice whispered softly. "Four counts in, four hold, and four out."

A large warm hand slipped into the pullover pocket and Sirius squeezed it for dear life, knowing that they wouldn't be able to hurt Remus if they tried. They squeezed and dug their nails desperately into the flesh for grounding and latched on to the breathing instructions. Four in, four hold, and four out.

By the time the medals were announced and awarded, Sirius wasn't shaking anymore. They watched Bella and Tom standing at gold, Narcissa and Lucius at silver, and Remus and Lily at the bronze. Sirius hugged James and congratulated him on all of his hard work and promised him that they were going to come back for more next year. They just hoped that maybe by next year they would be able to see their brother out on the ice again.

_/end flashback/_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: depressed attitudes, brief idealization of death, unhealthy surroundings, aftermath of surgery

"Sirius Black is a fucking idiot and you should just ditch his ass."

James threw an annoyed glare towards Remus and received an apathetic shrug back.

"He never misses practices," Lily chided as she pinched Remus' arm. "It's not like him to just disappear without saying anything!"

"Maybe it's a new tactic for this season," Remus grumbled before he took several gulps of water from his bottle.

Lily rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to James. He wasn't an absolute wreck yet, but this was definitely the longest he had gone without talking to Sirius since the two met at an international ice skating camp back as kids so her husband was definitely freaking out. 

"He wasn't at home," James mumbled as he sent out another email. 

He had been worried that the questions about Regulus had really upset Sirius and when the skater disappeared it only set made him think the worst. He had already contacted Sirius' therapist and she was keeping an eye out at different homeless shelters and jails in case he turned up drunk or high somewhere. James was just praying that they weren't going to find him dead in a ditch somewhere. Lily squeezed his arm affectionately before she dragged Remus back out onto the ice to continue with their practice before he could grate on James anymore. 

Lily wanted to chide Remus for his abrasive attitude all day, but she knew that it was just his way of showing off his own concern for Sirius. Heaven forbid that he actually express concern like a normal human being. Sirius might hear about it and, _gasp_ , realize that the overly hostile facade was just a desperate attempt to keep his crush at arms length rather than risk the ups and downs of a romantic relationship. At least that was her current theory. She gave herself a decent margin for error, but still. It was better than thinking that Remus had officially gotten so jaded that he was no longer capable of feeling concern for anyone but her and James. 

"HE TEXTED ME!!!!" James screamed excitedly before choking on the words and starting to swear up a storm.

Lily and Remus stared at each other in shock.

"Wha-"

"Lily!!!" he screeched in indignation. "He's in fucking London!!!!"

"He's not-"

"Of course he's fucking planning on busting Regulus out!" James screeched before Lily could even finish. "Fucking hell, I've got to call our lawyers!!!!"

The dark-haired man sped around the corner and into the hall leaving the two other people staring after him in shock.

"Of course he is," Remus growled.

"At least...he's not in a ditch?"

Lily was rewarded with an annoyed glare. "Whatever. Let's just drop off some ice cream at the McKinnon-Meadows home and offer our condolences. Her partner has managed a new record of ruining a season before a single meet."

"Only if it's coconut milk ice cream," she agreed. "We've got to watch those macros."

\-------

Staring down the street from their childhood home, Sirius ran a hand through their thick hair and took some deep breaths. They could do this. Go to the house, get the brother out, and get on a plane before the snakes that claimed paternity over them noticed. That was all they had to do. Sirius rolled their shoulders, trying to release some of the tension.

"Okay, you can pull up to number 12," they informed the cab driver. "Stay out here until I get an idea of how long it'll take to get his stuff and I'll be able to tell you when to come back."

The kindly man leaned back and offered a business card with his number scrawled on the back of it. "No worries, boyo. Jus' give me a ring when you're ready ta be picked up."

"Thank you," they replied quickly before stepping out in front of 12 Grimmauld Place. 

They were struck by a sudden sense of deja vu, like they were trying to sneak back into the house after an illicit night out. The steps were impeccably clean and the windows washed which didn't do a lot of good as all the curtains were drawn as usual. Digging the emergency key out from under the vines near the front steps, Sirius opened the door quietly, eternally grateful that Regulus had at least enough sense to let them know when Mother and Father were out at some luncheon. The entry way was just as dreary as they remembered and Sirius had to take a deep breath of the musty air and do their counting exercises before they could proceed. They needed to get Reggie out as quickly as possible. 

"Reggie?" they called out tentatively.

A muffled voice could be heard from the upstairs and Sirius took the steps two at a time before they were standing in front of the door with the polished brass nameplate that read "Regulus" in Gothic letters. They carefully pushed open the door and grimaced at the darkened room that greeted them.

"Sirius?" the familiar voice of their brother croaked.

Sirius rushed to the side of the bed and saw the red-rimmed eyes and drawn cheeks. "Fucking hell? Reggie?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm too tired to pretend anymore."

"What's going on, just tell me okay? Are Mother and Father hurting you?"

He shook his head slowly and swallowed thickly. "The latest test results came in, Siri. And..." Sirius felt their heart drop at the anguished look on their brother's face. "Fuck, it's over for me. I should just be dead, you should have just let me die out on the ice!" Regulus completely fell apart then, and Sirius could feel him shake and sob into their shoulder as he clenched the back of Sirius' leather jacket.

"Shhh, shhh, no Reggie, never. You are more than what you did in sports, you're more of a person than that." They were frightened at the state of their brother, but Sirius knew that they had to get him out of here. "Listen, we need to get out of here, okay? Where's your stuff?" 

Regulus just rolled over and curled in on himself as he pointed at the bag sitting by the door. It looked like there wasn't much he wanted to take.

"What about pills? Are they in there?" A shake. "In the bathroom?" This time a nod.

Turning on their heel, Sirius managed to trip over the forearm crutches and stumbled out of the room. Thankfully, no ankle was twisted in the graceless maneuver and they proceeded to raid the bathroom for anything that they thought Regulus might need. They paused for a minute to stare at the metal step-stool that was sitting in the old clawed-foot tub, and it took a few more seconds for them to realize that Regulus probably couldn't stand long enough for a shower and he wouldn't be able to pull himself out of the tub if he sat at the bottom of it. Fear and anger burned in their chest. Wasn't Mother or Father helping with his care? Couldn't they hire help? Why was their brother sitting on a little metal step-stool in order to get showered for fuck's sake?! How did his tall lanky body manage to balance on that thing without falling and hurting himself even more?

Sirius was absolutely seething when they walked back into Regulus' room. Now that they weren't in so much shock, they could better appreciate the terrible conditions of the room. Their parents had always been a bit odd about their home - keeping it old and musty, untouched by even the residents' hands - but their personal rooms had always had a bit of leeway. Now, there was none of the brightness or playfulness that Regulus had always been known to have. The dark curtains were drawn, the sterile smell of medication and bandages filled the room and there was even a layer of dust over the reading desk, books, and sketchbooks. The bed sheets smelled of musk and sweat as if he spent his entire time in bed, rotting away. 

"Come on, Reggie, let's get you out of bed, okay? Can you move your legs for me?"

Regulus took a few deep breaths and with Sirius' help managed to get the sheets pushed off his legs. He avoided eye contact with his older sibling as he struggled to sit up and had to use his hands to drag the useless left leg over the edge of the bed. 

"I need the brace," he muttered in shame. "The one for the knee and the ankle."

Looking around, Sirius found the torture-device looking contraptions and with some help from Regulus they managed to get both braces secured. Up close with the leg, Sirius was even more worried. Regulus' entire leg was bandaged up and it almost had a sour smell like they hadn't been changed or that...maybe the flesh was rotting underneath? Was that something that could happen with an injury like he had? The truth was that Sirius didn't even really know what the end result of the accident was. No one did outside of Regulus, their parents, and the doctors. Walburga and Orion must have paid some heavy bribes to keep that information out of the papers, but why do that and not hire care for their son?

"Oh shit, we need to get some pants on you," Sirius mumbled and Regulus chuckled a little.

"Pants?"

"Fuck, I mean, _trousers_ , you arse."

"My sibling is a Yankee," Regulus teased softly and that brought the first smile to Sirius' lips since they crossed the ocean. 

"Never. Now, come on, let's get these braces off and try again."

The only thing they could manage with their short window of time was some jogging shorts that wouldn't get caught on the braces. Once those were on and the braces back in place, Sirius rang up the taxi and helped their brother on the long journey down the steps. Sirius was absolutely shocked by how weak and tired Regulus was, having to take a break every few steps even with the aid of the forearm crutches. They were too nervous to try picking up their brother when there were so many steps, so Sirius just focused on encouraging their brother as he took his time. When they got outside, Regulus winced at the sunlight even though it was already evening. The cabbie was already waiting for them and he came up and helped. Between the three of them they managed to get Regulus packed away in the car with his bag and with Sirius next to him. They still had an airport to get through and half a world to travel, but Sirius knew that they would do anything for Regulus.

"Are you sure about this Reggie?" they asked softly, wanting to know that Regulus wasn't doing this for Sirius' sake. 

Those dull grey eyes slid shut as he leaned on Sirius' shoulder and sighed sleepily. "Let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Watching macros is in reference to meal planning - protein, fats, carbs, fiber are common ones.


	6. Chapter 6

Remus was running on the treadmill in the arena's gym, trying to keep up with his strict exercise and training routines, unlike a certain no-account-pain-in-the-ass-wanna-be-bad-boy who was missing in action. Sirius had been gone for damn near a week with barely any words to anyone about when he would be back. Did that absolute idiot not understand what him being gone for this long would do to James and Lily? What risking legal action by the prestigious Black family would do to the team?

Remus refused to admit that it upset him in the least. That git could do whatever he damn well pleased. It wasn't like he owed Remus any explanation.

That absolute bastard.

With that train of thought Remus could feel his anger rising and he harshly tapped the button to speed up the rate on his treadmill a few times. If he was going to be pissed off he might as well use that energy for improving his fitness. He turned up the music in his ears and tried to focus on running and breathing. The muscles in his legs screamed in protest but he promptly told them where they could shove their complaints. 

Once he finished the run and stepped off the machine, Remus sprayed and wiped down the controls and handrails with the cleaning solution. That done, he grabbed his towel and patted the sweat off of his face. The music was still blaring loudly in his ears, but Remus pulled the towel down when he caught sight of a certain red-head. He could see Lily and James speaking animatedly in the hallway, the Plexiglas allowing him to see them but not hear what they had to say. Both of them had somber expressions and he felt a flare of frustration. This whole week had been a mess and now they were...arguing? Maybe? James and Lily were like family to him and he hated how the building tension had been affecting that family dynamic this last week. 

He glanced down to turn off his music and when he looked back up James was approaching with his hand rubbing at the back of his neck. It was a nervous tic he had developed long before Remus had met him and it usually meant that something bad was happening. Had something happened to Sirius? Remus wasn't sure if he could handle that. Sure they weren't best friends or anything, but they were still a part of the same team and had spent a ridiculous amount of time together. 

"James, what's happened?" he asked as he draped the towel around his shoulders. A lot of effort went into getting his voice to be as nonchalant as possible.

"What do you mean? Why would anything have happened?" James asked as he continued to rub his neck. 

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the way you and Lily were gesticulating like gossiping school girls or..." he paused dramatically and looked around before leaning close like he was going to impart some great secret, "it could be the fact that you're rubbing your neck damn near raw and won't look me in the eye." 

"Hey," James weakly protested as he let his hand fall back to his side.

"Spill it, James."

Now that he wasn't rubbing the back of his neck, James switched to bouncing from foot to foot. Could this man not just stand still for god's sake? He was always moving like a squirrel with ADHD!

"Well..."

"James, please. What's going on? I still need to shower before I go home and I'd like to get there before next week." Remus gave a heavy sigh.

"Sirius," James started slowly. 

A sense of dread fill the tall skater. Oh no, this is what he had been afraid of.

"Hey, James," a voice called out from the door to the hallway.

Remus knew that voice and was both pissed off and incredibly relieved to hear it. Slowly stepping around the agitated James, Remus saw none other than Sirius Black leaning against the door frame of the gym looking completely nonplussed. He looked perfectly fine, like he didn't have a care in the world. Remus felt a feral growl build in his chest that he had to work double-time to contain. That son of a bitch! How dare he gallivant off to rescue his brother and risk imprisonment and potentially getting disqualified from the team and then just show up like nothing was wrong! Remus could vaguely hear James trying to calm him down as he stalked towards the revenant. 

As he approached Sirius, the green-eyed man noticed Lily standing next to a young woman who was leaning against a wall down the hall. Wait, a woman?!! Sirius had gone to get his brother and had come back with some squeeze? Remus could not repress the anger that flared like fire in his eyes as he jerked Sirius away from the door frame and slammed him into the Plexiglas next to it. 

"What the hell, Black?! First you take off after the press conference without a word to anyone, then you just disappear. Then you text James to tell him that you went to bust your brother out of that prison hellhole you Blacks refer to as a home, the same brother mind you that that hasn't spoken a word to you since the accident where you saved his _life_ , and now you show back up here like nothing happened?! Like you didn't have every one of us scared to death? What if something had happened to you Sirius?! What if you had gotten caught or hurt or it had been a trap set up by one of your crazy relatives?!"

He stopped talking to look Sirius up and down.

There was shock and anger and hurt in those grey eyes, but Remus didn't care right now. He didn't care that he was so close that he could actually see the blue specks and sheen in those frigid grey eyes. More than anything else, right now he was so damn relieved and angry that he could barely keep himself from punching the shorter man. He desperately wanted this stubborn, soft-hearted, foolish, and selfish boy to see what he had done to the others. 

Fingers calloused from constant working out dug into those pale arms harshly and a drop of sweat fell from his trembling lip and splashed against the other man's chin. Sirius' body was as taut as a bow ready to release it's iron arrow and he could feel the tension vibrating between them. The brat should know that any blow of his would probably do more damage to his own fist than to Remus.

"Do you have any idea how devastated James and Lily would have been had you been hurt? How hurt I would have been? Damn it, Sirius, do you ever think before you do shit? And to top it all off-" he paused glancing at the girl talking to Lily. "You brought back some _girl_." He released Sirius' shirt and stepped away from him.

He was shocked that he couldn't keep the hurt out of his voice in that last statement and it terrified Remus. Why was he so upset with Sirius bringing back a girl? It made no real sense to him. He had never cared about Sirius' affairs before so why now? It must have been the fact that he had left them like that and not stayed in contact.

That had to be the only reason, right?

He glanced over at the girl again and then back to Sirius who stood against the wall, looking stunned. Well, at least he still had the decency to look a bit ashamed of himself. Remus shook his head and scoffed before turning away and heading to the locker room to shower. He was done with Sirius and his bullshit.

\- - - - - - -

It took Sirius a full minute after Remus disappeared before they regained themselves. Holy shit, Remus had been absolutely pissed! Sirius hadn't thought about any of that when they had left to go get Regulus. All that had mattered was that Reggie had called them and needed their help. They had gone running without a care or a thought to what the others would go through. Then again, they all had each other. Who did Regulus have? And what girl was Remus blathering on about?

No, Sirius had never backed down from a fight with Remus and they weren't about to start now. They stomped off towards the showers with clenched fists and fire in their eyes. A small portion of their brain wondered why James wasn't rushing over to head them off but the rest of their brain was happy to finally get a chance to throw down with that self-righteous bastard. What did Remus know?! 

He was just a stupid arse who had the privilege of growing up with supportive parents who loved each other and loved him. His parents were the type that always came to his competitions with smiles and supportive banners. Sometimes they would even paint up their faces, a habit brought over from the family's support of hockey. Sirius couldn't even remember a time that Walburga or Orion actually smiled at either of _them._ There were plenty of smiles for the cameras or for the medal or trophy brought, but not once could their mind provide a memory of being smiled at by their parents. There were no cakes brought into the locker rooms to celebrate a win or soften the blow of a loss. No air horns obnoxiously being blown outside of the arena to alert all humans within a 10 mile radius that their son had exited the arena. No talks of pizza parties and friends coming over. No proud parents supporting their child's choice of love.

Hell, Sirius' own parents didn't even know they were non-binary. The two of them probably didn't even know what the hell non-binary was. 

But that fucking prat had the gall to chew them out because they needed to rescue their brother from all that? The opportunity that they had been waiting _years_ for? No, Sirius was not going to let it stand like that. A snarl to the unsuspecting young athlete showering in the stall closest to the door had the kid racing out of the showers with nothing but a hand towel to protect his modesty. Sirius made sure to slam the door loudly so that Remus would know that they were coming for him, sudsy hair or not. 

"Black, if that's you, I'm not going to take it easy," came the growling response. 

It sent shudders down Sirius' spine.

"It sure as hell is me, arsewipe." They were trembling from the anticipation of finally getting to punch that face. 

The water squeaked off and there was nothing but the sound of dripping and feet padding along the tile. Remus stepped out, naked as the day he was born, and with far more calmness than the situation required grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist. He then proceeded to crack his knuckles loudly.

"This is your last warning," he growled and the sound echoed thrillingly against the tiles. 

Sirius felt all the hairs on the back of their neck stand in warning. Remus was taller and broader then they were. He also worked out like a beast while Sirius couldn't seem to bulk up no matter how much effort they put into it. All signs pointed to the inevitable ass-whooping they were about to receive, but Sirius wasn't going to back down. They knew how to fight dirty; growing up with Bellatrix had its benefits.

"You don't have the right to tell me shit," they snarled dangerously, feeling much like a wild dog with their hackles raised. 

There were a few heavy breaths between the two of them before Sirius made the first move and punched that fucker right in the jaw. What little was left of their sense reminded them to avoid the nose because they didn't want to mar that perfect performing face any more than the scars did, but that sense obviously didn't extend to reminding them that it had been a very long time since they had punched anyone. And punching a jaw that sharp fucking hurt. 

So did the punch they received back. An angry cry spilled past Sirius' lips as they launched into a full tackle against the bare torso and the slick tiles allowed for a take-down that would have never happened on dry ground. Remus was already recovering and before they even hit the ground he was kicking and kneeing at anything he could reach. The two scuffled sloppily on the wet ground, both careful to avoid permanent damage to the face and unleashing as much hell as they could on anything else. If they threw in a few slaps between the punches, what of it? It wouldn't do to knock out those meticulously whitened teeth. Sirius could appreciate good dental work.

"And what fucking girl were you talking about?" they wheezed as they took another blow to the rib and tried to retaliate with a knee to that towel-clad groin. The damned bastard had a solid grip, even on their sweat-slicked skin.

"The little hussy you brought!" Remus shot back as he avoided the blow to his bollocks and tried to twist Sirius into a proper wrestling hold. "In the hall!" 

Sirius thanked their body's flexibility as they slipping out of the hold, only losing a few strands of hair in the process. "Do you mean my damn brother? The only person in the hall was Lily and Regulus! Are you fucking blind?"

Although they had avoided a headlock, they still managed to get pinned against the nasty wet floor by a very wet, naked, angry, and slightly confused Remus.

"What?" he panted, chest heaving against Sirius' own.

"My brother," they gritted out through their teeth. "You've seen him a million times, you know the one."

Now Remus looked absolutely shocked. Sirius couldn't really blame him; after a severely traumatic accident, surgeries, and imposed bed-rest, Regulus really didn't look much like the confident competitor that he had always been. His pale skin now looked more sickly than pretentiously aristocratic, and all the muscles that he had earned through years of effort seemed to have melted away. Sirius had learned that Regulus hadn't even been eating much of anything since the accident, spending most of his time sleeping. Their damned parents must have been too scared of having their son diagnosed with something as plebeian as depression and chose to let him rot away rather than get him help and support. 

"He..."

"Yeah, he looks like fucking shit, Remus," Sirius snapped. "He's been lying up in bed all alone for months and needed help! He could have _died_! I could have lost him!" The damned tears were starting to well up in their eyes and their fingers dug into those muscular hips. "You bet your damn arse that I'd go get him all else be damned. You're all fucking adults! You've got each other, but what does he have?"

Remus shifted his knees and slipped a little on the tile, more of his weight crushing down on Sirius and instead of trying to shove him off Sirius found themselves clutching against the solid chest, their nails scraping down the muscular back. Their eyes were clenched shut against the images they had been fighting since they got the call. All that blood soaking through their costume. Regulus screaming. Severus Snape shouting orders, his voice coated with fear. James clutching at the bloody leg. Their breaths were coming in desperate and uncontrolled gasps and the tears were rolling down their cheekbones unbidden.

A hand came up and cradled their head with far more tenderness that it should have been capable of. "Four in...four hold...four out. C'mon, you little bastard, just breath."

An indignant snort interrupted the hyperventilating breaths for a second and then Sirius clung more tightly to the prat above them and tried to focus on the counts.

"One...two...three...four..."

Sirius ignored the moisture soaking through their jeans and shirt just as well as they ignored the hot breaths against their neck with each uttered number.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hi, Regulus," the pretty red-head greeted sweetly. 

The younger Brit was glad that she didn't move to help him as he shakily took a seat on the bench. Sirius stood protectively over him and bit their lip until he breathed out heavily and settled. 

"I'm well," he mumbled before turning to her. "Hello, Lily."

James was off talking to Remus, hopefully to get him settled down before Sirius made an appearance. The younger Black wasn't surprised that there was still a lot of tension between his sibling and the other skater. There had been that tension from the moment they met and he suspected that it would probably continue for as long as they competed unless Sirius finally got the guts to admit their years-long crush and Remus miraculously admitted feelings back. Though, maybe it wasn't such a one-sided crush. Regulus had never seen anyone go out of their way to piss off his sibling for as long as Remus had. 

"How are you feeling?" she asked sweetly. 

It only pulled his thoughts away from his sibling's drama and made him feel worse.

"I'm well," he clipped in response.

She winced, glancing down at his leg and then back at his face. "I'm sorry. That was stupid. Um, are you ready to get that looked at?"

He bit his lip and glanced down at the leg. It was still bandaged in the same old bandages and he was afraid of how everything would look. It was even more embarrassing to have people he wasn't related to looking at the horrid mess that was left of his leg. There had been trained nurses who had looked horrified at what was left of him.

"Let me go get James," Sirius muttered as they patted their brother's arm. 

"Whatever."

"We'll do it in the office," Lily tried to soothe. "Will that be okay? And it'll just be me and James."

Pushing his oversized sunglasses further up his nose, Regulus just shrugged. He knew that they meant well. These were the people that had taken his sibling in and cared for them all these years in America. Both Lily and James had always been fair competitors and always hard-working. They were honestly nothing like the Black family, and that was a good thing. It was still hard to allow himself to be exposed to them in such an intimate manner. Even Sirius didn't know the full extent of these injuries. And what was even the point? He would never be able to compete again. What was the point of looking at the wounds and trying to rehabilitate any of it? Not for the first time he wondered if maybe he should have insisted that the doctors just cut the whole damn thing off. Or insist that they "accidentally" let him bleed to death. 

Sirius should have let him die on the ice.

"Ugh, there's no hope for those two," James groaned as he walked over. There was the sound of yelling from the workout space, but the Plexiglas did a good job of muting it. "So, let's get to the office, yeah? I'm sure that Sirius will join us whenever they are finished fighting with Remus."

"Do you always refer to Sirius by the correct pronouns?" he asked curiously. It was the first time he had ever heard any of Sirius' friends use the "they" pronoun that Sirius preferred.

"Only in private," he replied with a sad smile. "And I figure that things including you are still considered private. Sorry, I guess that I should have asked them first."

"You'd better do that in the future," he replied dryly. "Sirius isn't out to anyone else so far as I know."

"Yeah, sorry." James was blushing sheepishly and it looked almost endearing. Like looking at a puppy being ashamed for chewing on your shoes or something. "Um, is it okay if I help you along? I bet that you get wiped out with using those crutches. I was on crutches for a while back in the day and they always seemed to zap my energy away like nobody's business."

Glancing up and seeing that Sirius was still occupied, Regulus shrugged again. They'd never make it to the office by the end of the day if he had to try to get to the office on his own. 

"I'll go ahead and open it up," Lily offered with a careful smile. "See you boys in a minute!"

With her gone, Regulus finally accepted James' hand and hauled himself up. Regulus had never been heavy in his life and often had to struggle to keep weight on, but the last few months had really taken a toll on his muscles. He weighed less than he had in years but even so his muscles were too weak to carry his body. Begrudgingly, he leaned against James and accepted the arm around his waist while he limped along. The feeling of his bare thigh brushing against the other man's tracksuit trousers reminded Regulus that he had been on a plane or at airports for days and hadn't had the chance to get changed. He probably smelt awful.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled as they limped down the hall. "I probably smell as good as a corpse right now. We didn't even stop for a shower or anything."

"Psh, it's nothing. I shared a room with Sirius for years and our combined gear from working out plus being too lazy to clean things up made for some pretty rank smells."

Regulus wrinkled his nose in disgust and that brought an airy laugh to James. "That's disgusting."

"Yeah, it totally was. So, you're basically like a bed of roses."

It took Regulus a full minute before he realized that he was smiling. It was a minuscule, barely-there smile, but it was more than anyone or anything but Sirius and ice skating had managed in years. Immediately, he tugged his lips back into their proper lofty frown and kept his eyes firmly on the ground in front of them. He didn't want to see the expressions of other skaters as they walked by towards the ice, and he was hoping that no one would recognize him. Mother and Father were sure to have noticed that he was gone by now but he didn't want a big news storm about him suddenly showing up in California and what that might mean for his future.

Honestly, he had no future.

Taking a deep shaky breath, he tried to sink into the agony that was his left leg. Even though he wasn't putting any pressure on it and keeping it bent as he was right now hurt. Everything he tried hurt. Every minute of every day it hurt.

"Hey, hey, it'll be okay," James murmured softly as if he was speaking to a spooked cat. The hand gripping his waist relaxed enough to allow the thumb to draw soothing circles against the skin under his t-shirt. "We'll get you sorted out, Reggie."

No one but Sirius called him "Reggie" and it made Regulus feel a bit off-balanced. Everything about being here in this place was foreign and uncomfortable. People were too warm, too friendly. They treated him like a life-long friend and acted as if they actually cared, but none of them even knew him. They had all known of each other for almost half their lives at this point, but they didn't really _know_ him. No one but family knew that.

"I'm doing _well_ ," he insisted a bit harshly. "I don't need platitudes."

"Okay," James chirped easily, his thumb never pausing in its soothing motions. 

Regulus' frown deepened. Had James become immune to the Black brand of aggression? Old conversations with Sirius flashed through his brain as he tried to size up this man who was offering to help him - whatever that meant. Sirius and James had been the best of friends since they met at that training camp so many years ago and even the heat of competition hadn't been able to destroy that. Maybe James really was just unflappable? A hazy memory of James yelling frantically with blood spattered on his face flashed before his eyes before Regulus shoved that down immediately. He couldn't think about that right now. Or maybe ever.

"Let's get him up on the table."

The young man jerked in surprise at Lily's voice, but neither of the Potters mentioned it. Lily took his crutches and sunglasses in hand and then James easily hefted Regulus up and onto the padded examination table. His breath hitched a bit at being handled in such a way; James was acting like he weighed nothing! He took several slow breaths to calm his heart rate. 

"We're going to take these bandages off," James explained as he moved around to get some supplies.

"When was the last time they were changed?" the coach's wife asked. 

Regulus shrugged and she shared a look with James. Heat burned on the young Brit's face in embarrassment. "I just...the days all seem to run into each other..."

"Oh it's fine," she replied with a tense smile. 

Instead of attempting to unwrap the miles of bandage, James brought out a pair of large scissors and got to work. He whistled a tune that Regulus wasn't familiar with as he carefully worked along the backside of the leg. Lily brought over a bowl of warm soapy water and a few sponges as well as a couple of towels. The smell was even worse as the bandage gave way to the merciless scissors and Regulus felt his panic shoot up fast enough to make him dizzy.

"S-stop," he gasped as he grabbed James' hand to keep him from peeling back the only thing hiding away those awful scars. "P-please don't."

"Oh love," James replied softly, "it's okay. We need to clean it out."

"I don't want you to see," he croaked, feeling lightheaded. When did it get so cold in the office?

"James, put this on him," came the distant voice of Lily. Why did she sound so far away? Why was everything so dark? Where was Sirius? 

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay." Regulus realized that his eyes were clenched shut and felt the warmth of a body pressing against his back while a fleece blanket was settled over his chest and thighs. "Take deep slow breaths, Reggie. I know you can do it." Warm arms encircled him and Regulus realized that his whole body was trembling. 

"I'm f-fine," Regulus tried to force out of his steel lungs. Everything was clamping down.

"Of course," James reassured before pressing a kiss to his cold cheek. If Regulus wasn't already wound so tightly he probably would have jumped right out of his skin. 

"I'm going to pull the bandages back a bit, Regulus," Lily stated softly. He whimpered and tensed even more, pain shooting lightning bolts up his leg. "It's okay, love. We just need to clean everything out."

James seemed to cradle Regulus' body even more solidly, his firm warmth the only grounding force at the moment. Regulus felt the need to shove James away and protest the unnecessary affection. This was not how doctors behaved! But...they weren't really doctors.

" _Chanda re_ ~" Regulus stilled completely as he heard the strangest sounds spilling out from the lips hovering over his ear. " _Chanda re chhupe rahna_ ~" Turning a bit in those arms, Regulus found himself staring at the dark-skinned man and watching those lips move. " _Soy meri maina, leke meri nindiya re~_ "

First of all, what language was that? Second, Regulus found himself supremely impressed that James could sing. For all their superior breeding and hours being trained, neither of the Black brothers were very good at singing or playing instruments. James was smiling softly as he sung, so confident with himself and the younger man could only stare with a softly gaped mouth. Why were those sounds calming him down? He didn't even know what all it meant, but between the warmth wrapped around him and the warmth of that husky voice he felt the tension melt away from his body like an ice cube on a hot sidewalk. When the song finally came to an end, Regulus was surprised to find himself sleepily resting against the coach's chest. He couldn't remember the last time he was this relaxed.

"It's all cleaned up," Lily stated happily. 

"Alrighty, let's look at what we got!" James sounded far more excited than looking at nasty red scars should garner. "Give us the breakdown, will ya?"

"Shouldn't we wait until Sirius comes back?" Regulus asked quietly. "I don't...really want to repeat this over and over."

"Nah, they don't need all the little details. Lily and I can fill them in on anything they need to know. So, shoot."

Regulus took a deep breath and went into detail about the injury. Almost all of the surgeries had taken place in those critical days immediately after the injury and they were more to save his life than being worried about the aesthetics. The blade had cut through his thigh, doing it's best to detach the limb from the rest of his body. It had cut through muscles, ligaments, a portion of an artery, and bone. There were also a few other deep cuts through skin and muscle down the leg and then there was the mess of his ankle. The blade that shattered under him had destroyed the joint, tearing and hyper-extending ligaments and tendons as well as breaking bones. 

It was ugly and awful. There were now plates screwed into his body, and huge scars with the marks from the staples and stitches. Casts had been a no-go because of how much skin had been damaged and needed to breathe. For all repair that they had done, Regulus had been left with a limb that was so inflamed that there had been no therapy he could do to aid any of the joints. All he had was copious amounts of medication for the pain and the inflammation, and yet nothing actually helped. The constant pain led to tension in his still healing muscles which only aggravated the injuries more and kept everything inflamed. It was a vicious cycle that he hadn't been able to figure out how to get around, and it was only made worse once the doctors started talking about finding new things to do with his life. It had quickly gone from discussions about recovery for next season to trying to find the right therapy that would allow him to just be able to walk without a limp. 

He hadn't even bothered to try any of the stretches or at-home exercises after that.

"Well, that really sucks," James exclaimed as he listened to Regulus finish up the medical history. He manipulated the leg in all different ways to see the extent of the damage and his frown deepened. There was almost no mobility.

"I think we're going to need to bring in the big guns for this," Lily admitted.

"Oh great; the Prewitts are never going to let us live this down," a voice groaned from the doorway. 

Regulus looked up to see his sibling and then frowned in confusion. "What the hell are you wearing, Sirius?"

"Shut it," Sirius growled in annoyance. They were wearing a high-necked ox blood sweater in a decidedly feminine cut over black jeans that were tighter than even they usually wore. "I got my clothes wet on accident and had to borrow stuff from Marls' locker."

James did a bad job of choking down his laughter. "Damn, dude. You better be careful; those pants are one sneeze away from busting the seams."

"Ah fucking ha."

Regulus turned back to the snickering coach and his grinning wife. "Who are the Prewitts?"

"They are our certified sports physical therapists. We've been betting that we can get through at least one season without needing to call on them."

"Yeah," Lily sighed. "I was hoping to get a start on finishing my physical therapist program so that maybe I could start taking care of stuff for us this year but my schedule's too full. I can do some of the work, but they are true artists."

"Well, if we need them, then we need them," Sirius stated with finality. "Just have them send the bills to me."

"You don't...need to do that," Regulus muttered as he stared down at the mangled mess of his leg.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "We're not getting money from our parents, Reggie."

"Well..." He sighed and rubbed at his temples. Another migraine was starting. "I've got insurance. On my legs." He looked up tiredly. "It'll just mean...you know, admitting that it's all over. We won't be able to hide it anymore after filing the claim."

His older sibling didn't seem nearly as bothered as he was feeling about this.

"Who the fuck cares, Regulus? Getting you healed up is more important than what anyone else thinks. I don't care about the money, really, but if you've got the insurance policy it only makes sense to collect on it. But if you really don't want to, that's fine. I'll get it worked out."

"You've got time to decide on the policy, but probably not much," James agreed. "And we're going to have to get you started on therapy ASAP. Like, tomorrow."

Again, Regulus found himself wondering what the point even was. He was never going to compete again and he couldn't even count on being a coach after retirement. He was too damaged. 

"I'm tired," he muttered, rubbing at his burning eyes.

"Okay, let's get you home," Sirius quickly replied.

"Uh, you better let me help him out," James laughed before guffawing at Sirius' annoyed glare. "Seriously, no one wants to see your pasty white ass when you put a split in those jeans."

"Hey James, have you seen-" 

Remus' strangled noise of...something... was mostly covered by James' boisterous laugh, but Regulus could clearly see his wide eyes zoned in on Sirius' backside before he violently jerked his face up and struggled to morph his expression into one of indifference. The younger man felt a ghost of a smile on his lips again as he watched his sibling turn on the other skater and warn him against making any comments about their borrowed outfit. For once, Remus seemed to have no witty comeback. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that James was singing to Regulus is the Hindi lullaby Chanda Re from the old movie Lajwanti. I used the "~" sign to indicate that he was singing as well as to indicate the undulating accent that goes with singing in Hindi. Here's a video of the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiv0VOIYgDw 


	8. Chapter 8

Sirius opened the door to their home and helped Regulus hobble in and onto the couch. They hated to admit that James had been right and it had taken a lot of extra care on their part to not flex or move around too much so that they wouldn't ruin Marlene's jeans. As soon as Regulus lowered onto the coach the younger sibling let out an exhausted groan. 

"You okay?" Sirius asked with a note of concern in their voice.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just hurting, but I also feel better. Kind of hard to explain." Pale fingers ran through the long and unkempt hair.

"It's okay," Sirius tried to comfort. "Lily said that your leg is a pretty mangled mess. I'm just glad that you didn't wait any longer to call me or we might have had severe infections to deal with." They sighed heavily and sat on the coffee table right across from their brother.

"Good thing I called," Regulus replied quietly. He didn't look glad, but Sirius knew that their brother was still trying to accept his medical situation. 

"Me too, Reg. Me too." They reached out and rested a hand on his uninjured leg. "Let's talk about a recovery plan. James has already emailed me a few doctor referrals so we need to set up an appointment ASAP to get the official assessment of the damage and have all your previous medical notes transferred over. James and Lily are already getting you scheduled with the Prewitts for an initial consultation tomorrow and they'll know what you need for mobility and strengthening."

They sighed again and then caught themselves running their hands through their hair in much the same way as their brother. It brought a little smile to their lips. 

"I suppose that I'll need to talk to an immigration lawyer," Regulus mumbled as he stared at his bandaged leg. "To make sure my paperwork is all in order for an extended stay."

"We can...we can get started on your citizenship if you want," Sirius offered quietly. They didn't know what Regulus had planned for his future or if he had any plans at all. "At least we can start application for a Green Card."

Silvery eyes glanced out towards the kitchen and Sirius recognized their brother's faraway look. He looked so much older than he had a few months ago and just so very sad.

"Yeah, maybe. I guess getting a Green Card would be good."

"Okay, Reggie. James' dad is a lawyer and he knows the best of the best. We'll get this all figured out." They took a deep breath and leaned forward to catch their brother's eye and hold it. "This is going to be long, hard, and painful as hell, Reg. I'm not going to lie to you. But I'm here and we are going to do this together, kid. You'll never have to be alone again."

They saw the watering eyes and the lips that twitched to keep in a neutral position. Regulus cleared his throat a little before speaking.

"Thank you, Sirius. I don't...deserve any of this and yet here you are helping me and dragging your friends into it. So, uh, thank you." His voice wavered a bit as he tried to keep back the tears and welling emotion.

"You're going to get better," Sirius soothed softly. They knew that Regulus probably needed a minute to gather himself so Sirius stood carefully and stretched. "If it's okay with you I'm going to hop in the shower for a quick rinse and then I'll help you with a sponge bath and bed. We can get you a proper bath tomorrow."

"That's fine," Regulus sighed before he leaned his head on the back of the couch and shut his eyes. They were both tired and emotional.

"I'll be right back," Sirius offered before moving to their room. 

Once they were naked and under the hot spray of their shower, Sirius allowed their mind to wander. Today had been a lot. They had finally gotten Regulus home and had a sort of plan for getting him well. They had been pinned to a wall and insulted as well as beat up by Lupin. Even as they rubbed their sore ribs, Sirius couldn't help but wonder about that prat.

Remus hadn't hesitated to throw down with Sirius, but he had also immediately recognized the panic attack and helped Sirius through it. He didn't take advantage of the situation and get in a few more good hits, but rather wrapped Sirius in his arms and talked them through the familiar breathing exercises. 

They tried not to focus too much on how it had felt to be wrapped in those arms or having that weight pinning them down against the floor. Things between Remus and them were strange enough without dwelling on their unnecessary crush on the man. But really, if it had been almost eight years of pining could it still be considered a crush?

Scrubbing their head a bit more roughly than needed, Sirius finished up as quickly as possible and slipped on their boxers and their favorite oversized baseball t-shirt that Marlene's wife had managed to take in enough to make into a proper night dress. They left their hair wet and went back to the living room with a few washcloths and a bucket of soapy water. 

They worked quietly as they helped Regulus out of his clothes and helped him get washed. Soon enough he was in one of Sirius' boxers and t-shirts as well and it made Sirius snicker in amusement. Since Regulus was taller there was plenty of bared midriff. 

"Looking sexy there, Reggie," they grinned.

Regulus looked up at them unamused. "Sure thing. Because that's what I was going for."

"Nothing wrong with being sexy," they added with a wink.

"Uh, sexy will never be a word to describe me again. Not that it ever was." He glanced pointedly at his leg.

Sirius just rolled their eyes. "Oh, yeah, because I had to listen to James Potter wax poetic about you all through our teen years for no reason at all."

Regulus blushed and looked at the floor. "That was a long time ago."

"And you're now taller and better looking than your lanky teenage arse ever was." Sirius patted their brother's arm affectionately. "Anyways, let's get you to bed."

Regulus took his older sibling's hand and hefted himself off the couch, careful to keep the weight off his injured leg as best as he could. They moved down the hall to Sirius' spare room and maneuvered the younger sibling onto the bed. He laid back against the covers and sighed in relief.

"I hate to ask after everything you've already done for me, but could I please have a couple of pillows for my leg? They help." Those silver eyes were looking a bit apprehensive.

"Oh, yeah, of course!" Sirius replied as they smacked their forehead. "Sorry that I didn't think about that." They moved to the closet in the room and pulled out two fairly fluffy pillows. Crossing back to the bed they helped prop the injured leg with them. "Better?"

Regulus let out a slow breath. "Yes, thanks."

"You're welcome! The bathroom is right across the hall and I'm in the room next door. If you need anything don't be afraid to call for me. I mean it, Reggie. Call for me." They offered a smile as they placed the forearm crutches by the bed and then headed to the door. 

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you," Regulus huffed with the tiniest of smiles.

Sirius left the room after throwing one last smile to their brother and settled heavily back into their own bed. They sat their phone on the wireless charger by the bed and then ran a hand through their damp hair. 

Tomorrow they would have to launder Marlene's clothes and take care of a lot of things but for tonight they could maybe just relax. As their eyes closed Sirius found themselves wondering about Remus' odd reaction when he walked into the office on them with James, Lily, and Regulus. He had been stuttering and not up to his usual snarky responses.

Why had he been like that?

\- - - - - - -

Remus let out a heavy sigh as he opened the door to the house that he shared with his parents. While living with his parents at his age was an unusual choice, it had been a very intentional one. He had enough money to get a place of his own, but he chose to stay with Lyall and Hope as a way to ground himself from the outside world. It was a way to extract himself from the skating and the reporters and all expectations. 

It was even a way to escape his own thoughts that were currently plagued by a certain ebony-haired male.

Sirius Black was the most infuriating, cocky, self-righteous, self-absorbed, good looking, intelligent, big-hearted, idiotic mutt Remus had ever had both the displeasure and pleasure of working with in his entire life. The man managed to both piss him off and make him feel the need to protect him, and the emotions changed back and forth fast enough that he felt as if he had emotional whiplash. 

Remus' thoughts were interrupted by a large fur body jumping onto his chest and a warm slick tongue assaulting his face with kisses.

"Hello, Padfoot," he laughed as he stroked the black and silver German Shepherd on the neck. "Have you been a good boy while I was at practice?" Padfoot promptly let out a little bark in confirmation. "Are you sure?" he teased in a high-pitched voice that was strictly reserved for his dog. "Are you sure you're my good boy?"

The 100 pound beast hopped off and spun around excitedly, his large tongue lolling out and those large brown eyes keeping track of his every movement. Remus dropped his bag and postured with the dog, teasing him and making him jump side-to-side in play bows before he rolled over on his back to invite the belly scratches. Falling to his knees, Remus gave his dog an exuberant belly rub until the dog finally wriggled back up and made towards the door that led to the kitchen. His large fluffy tail wagged excitedly, thumping against the wall with enough force to bruise a human being. 

Rocking back on his feet, Remus stood and wiped his hands on his jeans before he headed to the kitchen behind his pup. He sniffed the air and gave a happy sigh as he smelt the mouth-watering scent of Carne Asada. His Mam was probably making burritos and he could definitely use the comfort food after a day like he just had.

He moved to the kitchen and couldn't stop the smile that graced his face as he saw his Mam at the stove stirring what he assumed was the sliced beef in a skillet. Padfoot was laying a couple of feet behind her, just far enough to be out of the way but still close enough to steal anything that Hope might drop on the floor. 

"Hey, Mam," Remus greeted as he leaned against the door frame. 

"Hello, darling! How was training today?" She turned to face him as she wiped her hands on a towel.

"It was okay." He moved from the door and placed a gentle kiss on her soft cheek. "Stressful and amazing as always." 

With honed reflexes, Remus snatched a piece of the Asada from the skillet and popped it into his mouth. Hope smacked his hand gently before she moved to slice the vegetables for the Pico De Gallo they'd mix into their burritos. She pointed to the sauteed onions and peppers that needed a stir and he got to work on it. 

"Did Sirius come home yet?" she asked, making sure to avoid her son's gaze.

"Yeah, and he brought his brother back with him. He just...I mean, he just ran off to rescue him after years of no contact! Their parents have a freaking restraining order on him and he just ran over there anyway." He let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “I just don't understand, Mam. Why would he do that? He could have been arrested or even _hurt_ by those people. I...I don't like it."

Green eyes stared down at the floor as he stepped back from the stove and leaned against the counter with hands tightly gripping the edge.

"Oh, my little wolf," his mother soothed as she came over and placed a gentle hand on his cheek. "It's probably hard for you to understand since you're an only child but there are things that you would do for your siblings to protect and care for them, just like you would do for any family that you love. That's how Sirius is with his brother. Despite what his parents have done to him, Regulus was innocent of all that and Sirius knows it. That's why he went to get him."

Remus nodded in understanding. It was all he could do as he still thought that Sirius was an idiot. Begrudgingly, he had to admit to himself that he would do anything for his Mam or Dad if they just asked. And that's what Regulus had done - he asked Sirius to get him.

"Okay," he finally muttered.

"Alright," she responded with a fond smile. "Now go get your father. Dinner is almost ready and I know that you're starving. He's in the study."

She gave him a gentle nudge in the direction and Remus made a great show of rolling his eyes and dragging himself off. 

"I'm going, I'm going..." The smile on his face ensured that she knew he was just being a little shit. For a second he paused and turned. "Mam?"

"Hmm?" She looked over her shoulder, her own green eyes identical to his.

"Thanks," he muttered sincerely before turning and heading towards the study.

"You're welcome, my little wolf," she replied softly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out! It was all on my end of things, but hopefully we'll be back on schedule for a chapter a week. Please accept our apologies and enjoy the story! ~Wolfy

"Reg, get up or I'm going to be late!" 

Sirius was stumbling around their living room and trying to make sure that they had their bag all packed and ready for the day. There was still no sound coming from Regulus' room and Sirius had to take a deep calming breath. Regulus was depressed. He was tired and sore and grieving. Two weeks of living in the USA with his sibling and neither parent even attempting to call or otherwise contact him had sent Regulus spiraling even worse into his depressive episode. It was infuriating for Sirius because they knew that if Walburga or Orion _had_ contacted Regulus it wouldn't have been to say anything nice, but for some reason Regulus still clung to his foolish notion that their parents actually loved him and cared for him beyond what honor he could bring upon the family name. 

They clenched their hands into fists and tried to take extra long breaths. Regulus had always had a harder time accepting that their parents were shit. He _needed_ parental love and approval. It was just too bad that the two of them got slotted with the Black family. 

"Regulus, come on," they sighed before finally stepping into the bedroom. The blackout shades were still up but they could see the lumpy figure of their brother under covers and with the pillow over his head.

"Not going," Sirius could barely make out from under the mound.

"Yes, you are."

Angry eyes peeked out from under the pillow.

"Fuck off, Sirius."

Cocking their hip and crossing arms over their chest, Sirius refused to back down today. Regulus hadn't gotten out of bed yesterday or the day before. They weren't going to allow that today. 

"You're getting out of bed today, Reggie. You're going to walk and stretch that damned leg while I go for my run and then we're going to get breakfast." The pillow went back over the face. "Look, I know that you don't feel like it. I get it. And after you've gotten a little exercise and breakfast if you still feel the need to sleep the day away I'll let you be. But not right now."

This was a very fine line to be balancing and Sirius was hoping that they were doing it correctly. The two of them could be stubborn bastards and this could go very badly if Regulus decided to dig his heels in and Sirius lost their temper. It was time to pull the trump card out before things escalated.

"I'll call James," they threatened. 

The pillow moved again and those grey eyes were glaring at them.

"I don't care," Regulus shot back. "He's not my boss."

Ugh, weren't they all past this high school behavioral nonsense? Sirius supposed that this was just their little brother finally expressing all the childishness that he had been repressing all these years.

"Sure, that's what you say now," Sirius mumbled as they pulled out their phone. "I'll be off running so I won't be able to save you when he plants his fat arse on you and starts singing his medley of feel-good songs."

There was a tiny moment of hesitation as he tried to determine if Sirius was bluffing or not.

"He's busy," Regulus tried. "There's no way he'd come over for that."

Sirius rose an eyebrow. "I guess you'll find out."

"Okay, shit, _fine_!" Regulus yelled before throwing a pillow at his sibling. 

Praising any existing entities, Sirius got themselves busy with packing a lunch for Regulus in case he was interested at hanging out with them all day. By the time they were finished with that and triple checking their bags, Regulus was limping out of the room in his obscenely revealing track shorts and a thin t-shirt. Sirius swiped a hoodie and extra joggers to stuff in their bag so that their brother wouldn't freeze to death at the rink if he came.

"Ready?"

"Whatever," the younger Black muttered as he limped over to his forearm crutches and slipped them on. "Let's go."

*****

Regulus grunted in pain and tried not to give in to the urge to scream bloody murder up into the dark sky. It was still pretty early as Sirius loved doing their runs in the cool of the morning before the heat really picked up. 

_"This definitely isn't London,"_ he thought bitterly to himself as he wiped the sweat off his brow. 

Looking down at his ruined leg with its ugly red scars, he supposed that nothing was ever really going to be like it had been. Why was that so hard to accept? It's not like he wanted to rot away at Grimmauld Place and die. But he didn't want this leg either. He didn't want to only be with Sirius because he had no other options. He didn't want to be dead to his entire family because he was useless. 

Sitting heavily on the park bench, Regulus stared morosely at the other park bench he'd been walking back and forth towards, trying to put more weight on his leg and focusing on the motions and form that most people took for granted. The walking hurt. Stretching hurt. Foam rolling hurt. Fascia blasting hurt. Feeling the anxiety swirling, Regulus placed hands over his eyes and tried to count into his breaths. He'd seen Sirius do it and it seemed to help. 

"Reggie! Fancy seeing you here!"

"Fuck," Regulus hissed before pulling his hands down and plastering on a shaky smile. "Uh, hullo James." 

Damn that Sirius! They probably called James anyway! The beautifully dark-skinned man jogged up and pulled out his headphones which were blaring what suspiciously sounded like K-Pop. His smile flashed wide and friendly.

"It's good to see you," he greeted before plopping down next to the younger man. "Are you going to come with Sirius to the rink today?"

"I don't know," he replied sharply, already knowing that he definitely was.

The bright smile faded a little and James placed a soft hand against the back of Regulus' neck, his thumb softly stroking.

"Are you okay?"

"As if Sirius didn't already fucking text you and tell you all about my fucking pity party!" he snapped back, hating himself for being this way. "I'm perfectly content to mope about by myself!"

James was frowning now and looking a bit confused. 

"Sirius didn't say anythi-"

"Oh stuff it," Regulus growled. "They always tell you everything! And I don't want anymore fucking pity, okay!" 

He tried to shrug off James' grip but felt the fingers tighten and refuse to budge. Those brown eyes pinned him down with a sharper look than he'd ever seen before and Regulus felt his blood pressure shoot through the roof.

"Regulus, we've accepted that it's going to take time for you to sort yourself out, but I won't stand for you calling me a liar." He leaned forward and Regulus felt like all of the wind was being punched out of his lungs. "Sirius hasn't even texted me today yet. They didn't say anything. I was just jogging this way because I know it's their usual route and was hoping that you'd be out here."

The hand not holding his neck in a vice settled on his uninjured knee and Regulus could do nothing to stop the flush that swept over his face and neck.

"Th-that's stupid," he replied weakly.

James was back to grinning although it was a bit more reserved than his first one. 

"Maybe a bit. I should have texted them to see if you were going to be here too instead of just hoping."

Fingers at his knee teasingly stroked against the soft skin of his inner thigh and Regulus felt almost dizzy with the blood rushing through his body. 

"Uh, I need...I need to walk."

He was thankful that the hands released him as he stumbled forward off the bench and sloppily made his way to the other one. James walked behind him for a little bit before speaking up.

"Well, uh, I guess that I should get going. Are you coming to the rink?"

Pausing and hating himself just a bit for it, Regulus nodded. "Yeah. I'll be there."

Regulus also pretended that he couldn't hear the joy in the other man's voice. "Great! See you then!"

As the footsteps faded, Regulus felt shame welling in his chest. Great, just how far could he fall in the span of a year?! Ruined his leg, ended his career, get cut off from the entire family, moved to the USA, and now...having feelings for a married man. A _married_ man. It didn't matter that he and James had flirted a bit when they were younger or that Sirius would talk about their best friend's pining over him. How ridiculous! No one would pine over him. It was probably just Sirius trying to make him feel better. 

Besides, there was that whole MARRIED thing. Even if James was also into blokes that didn't change the fact that he was supposed to be faithful and dedicated to just the one lucky lady. He miserably remembered the horrible incident where some tart had tried to tempt Rodolphus away from Bellatrix. That hadn't ended well for her and both Orion and Walburga had been sure to let their children know just what they thought of home-wreckers. Oh hell, _he_ was the tart and home-wrecker now. Groaning, he collapsed onto the bench. Well, he would only really be that if he put himself out there like that, and he most definitely wasn't going to. Nope. He wasn't going to flirt with James. Not at the rink. Or anywhere else. 

So caught up in his internal turmoil, Regulus nearly screamed when he felt a hand pat his shoulder. "S-sirius?!"

"Damn, Reggie! What're you so tense about?" his older sibling laughed before wiping their sweaty brow. 

A grimace crossed the young man's lips as a couple of dogs moved forward to sniff his legs. "Sirius, get them off."

Making shameless kissy noises, Sirius summoned all ten dogs tethered in to their belt to come to heel. It took a little more wrangling with the newest addition to their running pack, but Sirius was a perfect saint as they showered the dogs with praise and sorted them out. There were ten happy tails wagging when they finished. 

"Ready to head back to the shelter?" they asked with a happy smile. 

Running with dogs seemed to be Sirius' favorite activity outside of actual ice skating. 

"Yeah." 

Keeping far enough away to keep from getting touched by any of the dogs, Regulus watched as Sirius led the happy little pack to the parked minivan. It was an atrocious vehicle and one that Regulus had sworn he would never lower himself to riding, but it hadn't taken a day for Sirius to wear him down. It was the only way that they could be sure to change up running routes and distances and keep with their strict schedule. The dogs piled into the back happily and accepted the loving pats and rubs before Sirius was sliding into the driver's seat.

"You know, this is always easier when you come with me," they chirped happily. 

"That's because you let me drive illegally," he groused, hiding a smile behind a hand. 

Since they looked so similar, Sirius just had Regulus keep their driver's license while he dropped them off at the animal shelter before he drove to the pre-determined meeting place. 

"Eh, that's okay. You're a better driver than I am, anyway."

"It's because I'm too embarrassed to drive this vehicle like a sports car," Regulus shot back and Sirius threw their head back in a barking laugh. 

It didn't take too long to get back to the animal shelter and get everyone out. While all the puppies got their treats and went back to their kennels, Dorcas offered Regulus snacks of the human variety and teased him about his accent.

"Come on, you should really considering volunteering here!" she pressed with a laugh. 

The bright colors and mixed patterns that she was wearing so effortlessly would have sent Walburga into a conniption fit, and that alone brought a smile to Regulus' lips but he also liked the woman's high energy and vivacious mannerisms. 

"Oh yes, because everyone would want to hear proper English when calling an animal shelter."

She slapped her hand excitedly on the counter. "Do you know how many girls we would have calling this place?! Give me a good ol' 'luv' will you?"

Snickering, Regulus cleared out his throat and gave her an exaggerated smolder. "Hello, luv."

She swooned and screamed making Marlene peek her head in from the staff room. "Stop trying to steal my wife, Reggie!"

"Oh come on!" Dorcas giggled as she wiped at the tears in her eyes from laughing so hard. "But seriously, you should come volunteer for us. We always need the help and you're already familiar with the animals thanks to your sibling."

"Yeah," Marlene added as she bounced over and wrapped her arms around the curvy figure of her partner. "We always need the help."

"I'd do it if I didn't have so many slots filled with work," Sirius added as they stepped in the room and rubbed their hands with the hand sanitizer. 

"You heard your sibling. It's a worthy cause!" 

The two women gave the best versions of wobbling lips and puppy eyes that only made Regulus laugh. 

"Maybe." They both started screaming excitedly and he put his hands out to ward off their hugs. "It's just a maybe! We'll have to see!"

"Alright you crazy lesbians," Sirius interrupted in defense of their brother. "Let's give the brat some room to breath."

"I'm not a brat."

"Sure you're not. Anyway, we've got to head out or James will have our heads, Marls! Let's go, go go!"

"Mmm, give me a smooch," Dorcas demanded while puckering her lips out.

Marlene made obnoxious kissing noises against her wife's face while Regulus fake-gagged and Sirius cheered the two of them on. Finally, she planted a sound kiss on Dorcas' lips before leaning back and grinning.

"Love you, babe."

"Love you too. Go have a good practice with Sirius, okay?"

"Will do," Marlene chirped before following the two siblings out. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: injury and blood

"They're looking pretty solid out there," Lily mumbled as she pulled her ankle back further behind her butt to stretch out her quads. "Marls is even getting over her nerves with the tosses."

"She wouldn't have to be scared of throws if Sirius wasn't such shit at them," Remus replied easily before folding forward between his outstretched legs.

"You know, Remus, there's a reason you don't have many friends."

They both snickered and shook their heads, Lily looking back out at the ice where James was gesturing and explaining something to Sirius and Marlene. Her husband looked so animated while he worked and it made her so happy that they had been able to do something that they both loved. While many couples wouldn't be able to handle working together, Lily actually loved having James be her coach and her partner in coaching the younger children just getting started with ice skating. It was rewarding work and fun with the love of her life by her side. 

Making sure not to be obvious, Lily peeked out from under her bangs to watch Remus. He was straightened up now and watching the way their two competitors were going through the motions of their routine. It was obvious that his eyes were firmly planted on Sirius and he winced a little when a lift was a bit too wobbly. Not for the first time, Lily thought that if those two would just collaborate and talk to each other then all four of them would benefit from it. Sirius had always been a bit weak on his upper body strength, although from the looks of it he'd been working on that all summer. Still nowhere near as bulky as Remus, he had broadened his shoulders and his tosses and lifts were a lot more solid. 

"I think we've got a good chance at silver this year," Remus murmured as he stood and dusted his joggers off. "Gold is a stretch goal, but definitely attainable. I think the hardest part is breaking through the barrier to get on the podium and we've already done that."

"Bellatrix and Tom are always a challenge," Lily groaned as she shook out her limbs. "James studied all of their routines like a crazy person through the entire off-season and if we can pull off his vision I think that we've got a decent shot at gold."

Remus stared at his socked feet for a moment, and she could see the gears turning in his head. It was obvious that they were going to have to lean a lot more on the more technical aspects of pair skating and really tightening up their synchronization and the more graceful maneuvers. There was a lot of room to improve and thankfully a few more solid months before the Grand Prix came to kick their asses. 

"Hey, sorry to get off topic, but why is James still hitting on Regulus?" 

Lily looked up in surprise and caught sight of her husband's blatant flirting, complete with that annoyingly beautiful hair-ruffling thing he did. It was adorable.

"He wants to date him of course," she laughed. 

"Yeah, that's obvious, but I mean, Regulus keeps blowing him off. Why doesn't James take a hint?" Green eyes met green and the two friends stared at each other for a few seconds before the sheer ridiculousness of the statement settled between them. Lily was doubled over laughing and Remus shoved her before snickering behind his hand. "Okay, _sorry_ , I forgot for a minute that he's not a freaking normal person who understands how to take a hint."

"Remus John Lupin!" she gasped out between giggles. "Shame on you! You had to hear me bitch and moan about him for eight years and I think you'd remember that tiny detail before going off on him pursuing someone else!" 

She slapped his arm good naturedly and then looked back over where Regulus was giving a decidedly frigid shoulder to her husband. Poor kid.

"Sirius should warn the poor bastard," Remus chuckled before taking a seat and lacing on his skates. 

"Maybe he already has," she replied, a smile still tugging on her lips. 

*****

"Why are you following me into the showers?" Sirius asked in bemusement. 

While they weren't particularly self conscious about their body, Sirius didn't often go about their shower routine with an audience.

James sighed dramatically as he sat on the bench furthest from the shower Sirius was using. "Why is your brother blowing me off, bro? I mean, he likes me, right?"

"Absolutely," Sirius replied before ducking their head under the water. "Regulus has had it bad for you for years. Totally cried when you got married."

"See?! Okay, I know he likes me. So why is he playing hard to get? It just doesn't seem like a very Regulus thing to do."

"What, pretending that you don't have any feelings at all and are better than everyone else on this planet? Sounds exactly like a Regulus thing to do."

"You're an ass, Sirius."

"A beautiful one," they tossed back with a laugh. 

"Yes, yes, a beautiful ass. Now, back to Regulus."

Sirius sighed heavily as they scrubbed their scalp with their favorite citrus shampoo. "Maybe he's giving you the cold shoulder because you're a married man and we come from a rather traditional family. Ever think about that?"

James laughed as if the very idea was ludicrous. "What are you talking about? You told him that I'm poly, right? That shouldn't be a problem."

"First off, no, I didn't tell him anything. Second, some people have problems with poly relationships even if you don't."

There was silence for a moment.

"You didn't tell him?!" James squeaked in horror before jumping up and rushing to the stall to make sure that he was hearing correctly. "Why wouldn't you tell him?! Fucking hell, I've been hitting on him since he got here!"

Squinting through the stream of water, Sirius shook their head and wondered how someone so intelligent could be so utterly dense.

"That's something pretty personal, James! That's not for me to tell. You're supposed to talk to him about these things, you and Lily. Fuck, man, is this the first time you've dated?"

That brought an embarrassed blush to their best mate's face.

"No, but it's my first time attempting to seduce my best friend's brother! I thought you'd talk about things like this."

"Do you bring up my gender to your other friends and family if I haven't approved?"

"No! Of course not." Sirius made an exasperated hand gesture. "Okay, I can kind of see your point. Oh, fuck, this is so messed up. He's never going to want to date me now..."

Wringing water out of their hair, Sirius looked at their friend closely. "Are you going to quit going after Reggie?"

They were surprised to see James' expression fall and look contemplative. There were very few instances that he had ever backed off from chasing after someone.

"I...really like him, Sirius. I don't want to make him uncomfortable."

"Hey, don't give up so quickly, Jamie," Sirius offered. "I know that he's still crazy about you, and even if he's being a bit cold he hasn't actually told you off. So, I'd say you've still got a shot, but you better clear up this whole poly thing."

Looking a bit more encouraged, James offered a smile and nod. "Yeah, maybe I can take him out to dinner with Lily and explain everything. Soften him up for me, will you?"

Now Sirius was laughing and shaking their head. "Sure thing, Jamie. But you better get out there or Lily won't leave enough of you intact enough for a date."

"Oh, shit!"

It took a few minutes for Sirius to quit guffawing over James falling on his arse in his rush to get out onto the ice.

*****

"James, if I have to do one more twist lift today, I'm going to puke." 

Remus wrinkled his nose in disgust and took a deep drink from his water bottle. He was already sweating through his t-shirt from the heavy workout of focused lifts and the thought of adding bile to that mess was not all that attractive. 

"Okay, okay, no more twist lifts," the dark-skinned man laughed as he skated around the two of them. "Let's just focus on the lift Remus is going to need to hold while lunging. You good for that, Remus? Or are your arms shot yet?"

"I'm good," he sighed as he shook out both arms. They were burning a little, but he knew how far he could push during practice. "Not too many though, okay? Maybe two or three run throughs." 

"Lily?" 

She leaned her head against the sideboard and shook it.

"Ugh, you're killing me, James."

"Is that a 'no?'" he teased. 

"Okay, fine! I can do a couple more."

"Attagirl," he cheered before pressing a kiss to his wife's cheek. "I'll serve you wine in the bath tonight after a great practice like this!"

She grinned at her husband before turning and poking Remus in the ribs. "Alright, let's do this."

Remus shook out his arms while he skated several loose circles as he prepared for that portion of their routine. Like all of their stunts, it was a challenging bit that had built upon years of practice and skill and while not their most difficult stunt it wasn't easy either. Lily rolled her shoulders and twirled around slowly a few times before striking her pose. Remus skated over confidently as James set the music to the right place and he pulled her up against his body. Her green eyes glittered mischievously before they fell into step with each other skating backwards and building momentum. 

The music swelled and Remus did the counts in his head while keeping the smile firmly planted on his lips. His stage smile was not something that came easily to Remus and he absentmindedly thought of how embarrassing it would be to admit just how long he had actually spent in front of a mirror perfecting it. Smiling or being generally pleasant was not his strong suite. 

It was definitely a strong point in Lily's performance. Her face carried the wonder of performance beautifully - lips curled in a playful and inviting smile, large eyes wide and glittering, cheeks perfectly flush with excitement and allurement. She more than made up for his lackluster face, and he was grateful for that. Remus was certain that he would have never have gone this far in singles skating, but what Lily offered and complimented in him was going to take them to the top. The very top. 

Lifting her overhead, Remus was careful to settle her into his palm as solidly as possible. One of the trickiest aspects of this lift was that Lily would be in the air for an extended period of time and just on one hand. He would have to be extra careful not to trip over his skates as he twirled around and she held herself in a graceful pose before helping her settle into a second position that was held precariously on one side while he slid forward in a "graceful" lunge. The graceful part had yet to be achieved.

Remus was grateful that even though Lily had put on a few pounds since the last season she was still a small woman and it was a saving grace for this series of movements. With a sharp exhale, he kept his eyes firmly ahead and on his pre-arranged spot so that he didn't lose his own balance during the routine and take them both down. His fingers clutched her a bit too tightly, but he was too nervous to loosen up just yet. 

The spins went well and he could hear James offering a correction to Lily's positioning before she took Remus' hand to adjust into the second pose. The green-eyed man didn't dare to glance up as she adjusted and he was barely remembering to breath as he focused on every millimetre of footwork. It was the damned lunge and then he'd be straightening up and spinning her down in an elegant drop before they would skate apart just far enough to prepare for a jump. One foot slid forward in the shaky lunge and he wasn't even bothering to put on any expression but sheer determination. He felt Lily wobble above him and grimaced as he tried to lock his arm into position. Her weight shifted again and Remus dropped even further into the lunge hoping that if she fell it would at least be a minimal distance. 

Less that a quarter of a second later his arm was jerked painfully as Lily tumbled out of the hold with a painfully loud smack on the ice. 

"Fuck!" Remus shouted in aggravation before rushing down to Lily's side. 

James was already there and she was muttering a slew of rather colorful words herself while applying pressure over her tailbone. 

"Shit, baby, that looked bad," James hissed as he placed his large hands over hers. "Did you hear anything crack? Can you move your legs?"

"I'll be okay," she gritted out before pressing her forehead against Jame's leg. "I don't...think anything's broken."

"Well, I hope there's some ice handy," Remus deadpanned.

Lily choked on a laugh before glaring at him with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. "You. Are. An. Ass."

"That's the only reason James lets you skate with me," he offered, desperately trying to hide his own fear under the cover of snark. "He couldn't stand you having a suave skating partner."

"Aw, shut it," James shot back with a nervous smile. "Alright, let's get her over to the benches and I'll get an ice pack for her. Are you good to move, love?"

"Y-yeah, oww. Okay, let's move."

She got up shakily with their help and all three of them sighed in relief before moving her towards the benches. 

"Maybe you should head to the ER," Remus recommended in a more serious tone. "See if she's cracked her tailbone or something."

"I think I'll be fine," Lily insisted stubbornly even as she winced and doubled over a bit. "Shit."

"Here, let's just get some ice on it and see how you feel in a little bit," James muttered. "I'll can check for bruising at home and-"

"James," Remus croaked, his voice tight.

"What?!"

The three of them had just stepped onto the rubber mats and Remus froze, his face twisted in terror. 

"Oh fuck, call 911, like right now!"

Lily looked down in shock and saw blood soaking through her grey tights. 

"James," she whimpered, but he was already running towards the phones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lily's fall here is based on the fall Vanessa James took during the 2014 World Championship with her partner Morgan Cipres. OUCH!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:  
> injury and miscarriage

There was a quiet roar of murmuring before James Potter stepped up towards the mic and silence fell over the crowd except for the click of hundreds of photos being taken. 

"Thank you for your time," he muttered before lifting his glasses and wiping at his eyes. "Today I'll be speaking on behalf of my wife Lily Evans Potter. The reports earlier in the week of her hospitalization are correct. She was in the hospital for a few days after sustaining a serious fall during practice and is now home for recovery." He looked exhausted and more haggard than most of the sports journalists had ever seen him. "While she is recovering as well as can be expected and should not have any permanent physical damage, Lily has made the decision to withdraw from her participation in this year's skating."

There were gasps from the audience and even more rapid clicks of camera shutters.

"What kind of injury did she sustain?!" one reporter shouted loudly.

"Is she quitting the sport entirely?!" another one interrupted.

"Why quit if there is no permanent damage?"

James put his hand up and waited for the crowd to calm down.

"Lily and I have always appreciated the private matters of our lives being kept private. Medical matters are protected by the law as well. It's sufficient to say that this ordeal has left her unable to compete for the rest of the season."

"What does that mean for Lupin and your other team?!"

"How is Lupin taking the loss of his partner?!"

"Do you already have a replacement for her?!"

Taking another deep breath, James forced himself to look straight into the crowd of reporters who were just looking to be the first to publish the newest and juiciest tidbit. 

"Mr. Lupin and I are already considering our options. He intends to continue with competing internationally and we hope that his new partner will be announced within the next month."

"That won't leave much time for preparing for the Grand Prix," one of the ladies in the front gasped in concern. "Especially for a brand new partner!"

"It's not an ideal situation, that's true, but Remus is a fierce and determined competitor and I'm certain that his future partner will be as well."

"Mr. Potter, can you tell us what you two are looking for in his new partner?" Gerard Creevey asked excitedly. "The sports regulations on the qualifications for teams has changed during his tenure as Mrs. Evans Potter's partner. Will all genders be considered or only females?"

James replied without hesitation. "Mr. Lupin and I are in agreement that the biggest thing he needs in a partner is compatibility. Gender has virtually nothing to do with that and we are already in talks with a few gentlemen, ladies, and even a genderfluid competitor." There was more muttering and clicking of shutters.

"Do you have any names to share with us right now?"

"We're not sharing any more details at the moment." James could see mouths moving and heard the sounds of voices but he was tired. He was tired, he was upset, and he still had so much work to do. "Please, I uh, I think that's all." He winced a bit as there were a few camera flashes. "Thank you for your time and if you have anymore questions you can direct them to the office to be addressed as best as we can."

He stared down at the sheet of paper with his notes and tried not to cry at the whole ordeal.

*****

"You're doing great!" Remus encouraged as he stared at the screen of his laptop. The young boy on the other side beamed proudly before coughing wetly and grabbing his cup to spit in. "Awesome, yeah, just take your time to get that breathing calmed down and we'll do our cool off, okay?"

"Thanks...Mr...Lupin," the boy choked out between coughs. 

Remus rolled his shoulders and looked over at his clock as his young client worked through the coughing spell. He was going to have to head to the rink right after this session to interview with another potential partner, a well-decorated and well-liked single skater that he was pretty sure he would hate. Alice was doing her best, but there weren't a lot of good options to work with as the season had already started and was gearing up. This was an Olympic year and too many people were scared to try to change up things now. Especially as he had been the one to drop Lily. 

"Stretches?" 

"Ah, yes, sorry!"

"It's okay, Mr. Lupin."

Ending their workout with active stretching and focused breath-work was his usual routine, but doing breath-work with someone who suffered from cystic fibrosis was always a workout in and of itself.

"Don't forget to get those extra calories in, Charlie," he reminded and the freckled red-head grinned. 

"Mum's...already got a...huge dinner...in the oven."

"That's all well and good, but you've got to eat it," Remus chuckled. "And don't let Bill tease you about needing to take longer to eat, alright? Just kick him in the shins or something."

Really, he shouldn't be allowed to be in a position to influence children and how he'd managed to make that his main source of income was a constant source of amusement in the Lupin household.

"Yes, sir!"

"Put your Mom on for a second okay?"

As Charlie put on his oxygen and rushed off to get his mother, Remus allowed himself a few seconds to grieve again. He wasn't sure if he would ever forget seeing that panicked look on Lily's face or the devastated look on both Potters when the doctor explained everything. It was his fault.

"Did it all go well today?" Molly Weasley asked as she came on screen with a large smile.

He forced one on his own lips and gave her a quick update on Charlie's progress with the exercise program. The boy had regressed quite a bit after the latest stint in the hospital from an infection, but he continued to assure her that this was normal and that Charlie would be back to making progress soon enough. They talked about diet and calories for a bit while longer and he assured her that at this point there was probably no way her son could overeat but it would be rather easy for her to get too little food in. After the consultation, he clicked off the video chat and quickly packed his bag with an outfit for the ice before heading out of the home gym/office that he shared with his father and said goodbye to his mother.

Hope offered a tentative smile but he didn't bother to offer her one back. Padfoot whimpered sadly and he allowed the dog to follow him out to the car. The large beast settled its head on his lap and Remus allowed himself a few minutes to just sit in the heat and stroke Padfoot's soft fur. They would have to go running on the beach soon and get his lazy dog a good exercise in, but he just hadn't had the energy to do so lately. 

"I know that it wasn't really my fault," he whispered, and those golden brown eyes looked up at him somberly. "But it feels like it. I feel like I ruined their lives." A pink tongue snuck out to lick at his hand and he smiled a bit. "Maybe no one will want to partner with me this year and I'll just have to sit out. I could finally take that trip with you out to the mountains, eh? Maybe we could go crazy and drive all the way up to Alaska before living on a fishing boat for a few months?" Padfoot didn't look too convinced that this was a good option. "It'd be better than sitting in the stands, anyway."

With a final ruffle to the furry head, Remus sent Padfoot back to the house and proceeded to drive off for the interview. He was really going to try his best to give this one a chance.

*****

"Do you need anything else, love?" James asked as he knelt onto the bed and leaned over to press a kiss to his wife's neck. 

She shook her head and sighed softly. "No, I'm fine."

He paused and decided that he could be a few minutes late. Settling in behind her, James stroked her arm softly and hummed one of the lullabies that his mother used to sing when he was upset or hurt. The words were too much right now and he might start crying again.

"I don't think that I'll be out for too long. It's that Lockheart guy tonight and Remus has already been grumbling about him."

Lily snorted in amusement. 

"Remus sure is a picky bastard."

"That's because he had the best partner," James replied softly before pressing another kiss to the back of her neck.

"James?" she asked quietly and he winced at the misstep. 

He shouldn't have said that.

"I'm sorry, Lils, I shouldn't have said that. I mean, you were the best, but that's not...that just doesn't have anything to do with this."

"But...maybe I shouldn't drop out? I should be fine to skate again after my next appointment if everything checks out-"

"No, Lily, you don't have to." He hugged her again and took a slow calm breath. "Love, you need to heal, more than just physically. Remus will be fine and he'll figure things out, so don't worry about him."

"Not skating isn't going to fix anything," she whispered again and he could hear the tears from the way her voice was wavering. "It's not going to make anything better and it's just going to make things harder on everyone."

With the utmost care, James turned Lily over to face him and he wiped away at the tears. "I don't give a fuck about everyone else right now, Lily. I care about you, and you are more than a figure skater. You decided that you needed this time, and I'm going to support you 100% in this. It'll be fine. We're going to be fine."

She pressed a soft kiss against his lips before rolling back over and curling up with her pillow again. James placed the ice pack back against her tailbone and tucked blankets all around her before making sure that her laptop was plugged in and easily accessible to her. All that taken care of, he rushed out of their apartment and sat in his car for a moment. The flood of tears wanted to start again, but he didn't have time for another cry. It was just a trigger now, coming into the car alone. He hadn't wanted to cry in front of her and make Lily feel even worse over the situation and he didn't want to cry at the rink and make Remus feel worse so the car had become his safe haven of ugly crying. 

A baby. They had lost a baby, one that neither of them had even known they had. Not until the emergency room doctor had come out to talk to him privately. 

Their firstborn, gone already. Big enough to have been buried in the Potter family plot, waiting for the internment of her parents. 

A fall that they never would have risked if they had known.

Kaur Priya Potter.

Gripping the wheel tightly, James forced himself to go through the motions and focus on the interview with Remus' potential new partner. As loathe as he was to dealing with the aggravating Gilderoy Lockheart, the man consistently scored well and had a fabulous on-ice presence. He was slighter than Remus and was more than happy to be the flyer rather than arguing over the base position. Remus could never be a flyer and he needed a very charismatic partner to really shine. Off the ice Gilderoy was a primadonna and a complete asshole, but it was something James was willing to deal with for at least this season while Lily was out. 

"I can do this," he repeated over and over as he drove through the busy streets.

*****

Sirius stood at the corner of the stands where they knew Remus wouldn't be able to spot them and watched quietly. While no one had made any official announcements, this was the third time Sirius had seen Remus skating with Gilderoy and it looked like they were working on some specific combinations for a potential routine. Gilderoy was loud and boisterous, even during practices, but it was with a type of humor and confidence that made Sirius' skin crawl and made them inexplicably angry.

They hadn't mentioned anything about the miscarriage to the scarred up man even though Remus had been at the small family funeral. It didn't seem right to bring it up in the few minutes of conversation that they had between each others' practice and there was no real way to say "I'm sorry that you accidentally took part in the loss of my best friend's child" without seeming like an arse. They had been furious when James first told them the news - absolutely raging. How could someone as strong as Remus drop Lily? How was it possible? Then they were angry with Lily. How could she not know that she was in a delicate situation? Wasn't that supposed to be pretty obvious to pregnant people? How could she not know?

But the anger had faded away as the grief settled in. 

It was an accident. No one was at fault. There was no one that they could yell at or beat up to make things better for any of them. 

They winced as they watched Gilderoy skate around Remus with ease. It might look beautiful, but Sirius could see that Remus was miserable and on the verge of loosing his cool on the ice. He hated dealing with people in general and trying to skate with a virtual stranger in one of the highest stakes years was a recipe for disaster. But it wasn't like there were a lot of options. While Remus had been in the skating world for years, he had pulled away from singles competition pretty early on and stuck with the pair skating. All of the previous partners he had were retired with one even injured severely enough to never skate again. He and Lily had gotten together just after the last Olympics and had immediately meshed well together. They had worked so hard for this opportunity to snatch the gold medal and it seemed needlessly unfair to lose it all this close.

"It could be worse," they murmured to themselves. 

All of this could have happened days or even weeks before the Olympics. There would have been no options at that point. Gilderoy clapped Remus on the shoulder cheerfully and the the taller man looked ready to punch his preppy lights out. Maybe no options would be better than teaming up with a prat like Gilderoy. 

"What are you thinking, Sirius?"

Marlene came up behind her friend and wrapped her arms around their waist. 

"Our chances for gold have just improved dramatically."

"Cold-hearted but true," she replied quietly. 

"You can fucking guarantee that Bellatrix and Lucius are looking at this event that way and we need to get our fucking heads in the game. Playing nice isn't going to bring Lily back to the competition and you know that Remus wouldn't fucking stand for it. He'd skin us alive if he thought we were trying to take it easy on him."

"It just doesn't feel right," she sighed as she pressed her head against the middle of their back. 

It bloody well didn't. Sirius grimaced again as Gilderoy fell out of a spin with an obnoxious laugh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note on the baby's name: Kaur means "princess/prince" and was an egalitarian name that Lily really loved while Priya means "beloved"


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Between Nero and I (Wolfy) we've had a hospital stay, an emergency room visit, the death of a close friend, and the death of a family member (plus more) - all since our last update. 
> 
> 2020, am I right? 
> 
> Anyway, here's the next chapter and thank you so much for sticking with us through this!

Sirius bit their lip and tried not to rush Regulus as they got ready to head to the Potter's house. They had never been particularly patient, but these mood swings and depressive episodes with Regulus had really been pushing them to the limit. It was mostly a fear of sending their brother back into a non-responsive and self-loathing spiral that kept them from snapping at him right now. He was moving even more stiffly than normal thanks to spending the last couple of days in bed rather than doing his stretches and exercises. 

It had only been a few days after Sirius had seen Remus and Lockheart at the rink and although James had seemed pretty solid during all the practices, Sirius knew their best friend better than to think that he was handling his grief well. Lily was still grieving heavily and Sirius was grateful that they trusted them enough to allow them to be a part of their lives at this point in time. Honestly, they were grieving too, as quietly as possible. 

James and Lily was their family, and that little one had been a part of that family. They would have spoiled the child rotten and been there for all of the milestones, cheering. None of that was to be.

Redoing their messy bun, Sirius glanced over at Regulus as he struggled to get his shoes on. The brat had been stubborn about keeping his lace-up shoes rather than just getting slip on ones (stupid Black pride) and his limited mobility in combination with the stiffness of his body made it such a production. With the moping that Regulus had been indulging in lately, Sirius had actually been surprised when Reggie didn't put up too much of a fight about going out today. He had refused at first until he heard that they were going to James and Lily's place.

Odd.

It's not that they weren't happy that Regulus enjoyed company with their Potter family, but it was just that Regulus had remained uptight and almost cold to the two any time they interacted. It wasn't like he had gotten particularly friendly with them lately and especially not after Lily's accident. He almost didn't go to the baby's funeral either, saying that he didn't want to intrude. It was all very confusing to Sirius, but they didn't feel like it was something that they could talk to Reggie about. The two of them weren't close enough for personal things like that yet.

Soon enough the two of them loaded into Sirius' van and made their way to the Potter household with a few quick stops. 

The first was to a florist where they picked up some lilies for the very redhead who shared the name. It had been an ongoing joke between the two of them since their first major fight at a competition as teenagers. Sirius had bought her the lilies to try and make up for being a douchebag and she had laughed at the corny gesture. 

A pastry shop was their second stop and Sirius picked up some of their friends' favorite sweets before they were finally on their way to the Potter townhouse. It was a quiet drive and Sirius was in too deep of thought to even remember to turn on the radio. Regulus spent the drive staring out the window and watching the misty rain grow a bit heavier. He wasn't much into music outside of the classical style he was raised on, so Regulus didn't bother to try to sort through all of the radio stations to find something that he liked.

It wasn't too long before they finally pulled up to the modest townhouse on a quaint little street. Each home was painted a cheery white or cream and seemed to match with each other, but there were a lot more personalized details on these homes than either brother had seen on the streets around their old house in London. 

Parking at the curb in front of the house, Sirius carefully grabbed the flowers and treats before stepping out and rushing around to the other side to be available to help Regulus if he needed the help. The younger man waved them off in irritation as he slid out and hissed in the pain of putting weight on his feet and legs. Sirius rolled their eyes but refrained from saying anything. They were on a roll today! Still, conscious of the rain starting to pick up, Sirius began moving quickly to the front door and didn't notice when their brother caught sight of something in the driveway.

"You coming, Reggie?" they called as they bounced up the steps to the door.

"I'll be right there," he responded with a tight voice. "I...need to give my legs a minute. Go on in without me." He leaned against the wet vehicle and waved a dismissive hand at his sibling to add emphasis to his words.

"You sure?" Sirius asked as they paused before pressing the doorbell.

"I'm not a _child_ , Sirius," he growled in annoyance. "I'll be there shortly."

Sirius gave him a jerky nod before pressing on the door bell and fighting with the keys in their hand to let themselves in. As glad as they were to finally get Regulus out of bed again, they were not in the mood to deal with his pissy attitude. It was hard enough to deal with on a good day and this was most definitely not a good day.

Once Regulus was sure that Sirius wasn't going to come out and force him into the house, he pushed himself off of the van and slowly hobbled over to the car sitting in the Potters' driveway. The rain was coming down a little more heavily and the young Brit winced internally at how much this would look like some cheesy chick flick moment. Regardless, he sighed and knocked on the passenger side window, ducking his head so that it was visible to the person sitting inside the vehicle. 

The man inside had been hunched over the steering wheel but jumped up in shock at the rapping noise. James looked up expecting to see Lily or even Sirius standing at the window and his mouth dropped slightly when he realized that instead there stood a very soaked Regulus. He looked cold and stiff in the rain and very uncomfortable.

"Well, are you going to let me in, Potter?" he asked in a tone verging on rude. "Or do I have to stand here and soak?"

Regulus settled his hand on the car to ensure that he didn't fall if his spasming leg decided to give out.

"Shit, sorry," James muttered before quickly unlocking the doors. 

He leaned across to open the passenger door for the younger man and Regulus quickly slid in before slamming the door a bit too roughly. Swiping at the rainwater on his face, Regulus was thankful that the vehicle was warm inside from the car's heater. A shiver ran over his body and he quickly rubbed at his arms. A band t-shirt stolen from Sirius seemed like a good idea with a pair of jeans, but neither item of clothing was that comfortable when soaked through. 

"Thanks," he muttered as he looked over at James. Grey eyes peeked under the dark fringe of wet hair and took in the sight of the other man. 

"Yeah, no problem," James replied as he wiped roughly at his face with his jacket sleeves. "So, um, what can I do for you?"

Even as he was making every effort to appear completely composed, there was no denying that James Potter looked a mess. His eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed and his face was a bit puffy from crying. His usually disheveled hair was even more unkempt and his naturally dark skin was looking a bit ashen. As much as he wanted to reach out and offer comfort, Regulus couldn't bring himself to be so open. Instead he rolled his eyes at the man's blatant attempt to pretend that nothing was wrong.

"James, come on. I saw you. Crying." He bit his lip nervously after adding that last bit.

"Ah, that's...well, it's not a big deal. I'm fine."

Stormy grey eyes stared down at James, not giving him any chance to wiggle out of this conversation or pretend that nothing was wrong. He lost a baby, for crying out loud! Normal people were allowed to be upset and cry!

"You don't...you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to," Regulus finally settled on muttering. "I know that I'm not Sirius."

"What? No! That's not it! I, uh, just...just don't want to...uh, bother anyone, you know? I don't want anyone to have to worry about helping me." James roughly wiped at his eyes again making Regulus wince. "I mean, my mother says it's my worst quality, always trying to be the hero and never the person that needs saving." His attempt to smile in a self-depreciating manner fell a bit flat and he leaned back against the seat with a loud sigh. 

The younger Black picked at a fray on his wet jeans. 

"In a way, I can relate, Potter. My family...well, we hide our problems away where they can't be seen by anyone. If they stay hidden long enough they vanish, right?"

Memories of being left in his bed to rot after the doctors finally confirmed that he would never be able to skate professionally again flickered through his mind.

"You don't have to hide your problems here, Reggie. You're with people who want to help and protect you."

James laid a warm hand on the other man's shoulder. Regulus leaned towards the touch for a short moment before seeming to catch himself and pulled away.

"Take your own advice. Let someone help you." Feeling a bit warm under the collar and trying to ignore the way his stupid heart was racing, the Brit reached over and opened his door. "Now come on. Lily and Sirius are waiting for us."

Even though they hadn't said much at all in those few minutes, James found himself feeling a little better. His grieving had taken on a strange form that he wasn't familiar with, something dark and nebulous that came in waves rather than processed in a linear fashion. The last thing he wanted to do was give Lily something else to have to worry about and even though his own parents had suffered through several miscarriages before he had been born, James found that he wasn't ready to talk to them about it.

Regulus noticing and coming to check on him really warmed his heart. The fact that he didn't push James to talk about things, especially as James himself wasn't really sure that he could even find the words for how he was feeling, meant the world. It had always been hard to get a good read on the younger Black as he was good at hiding his feelings and keeping up a mask of indifference, but a gesture like this was enough to let James know that he really did care. 

Maybe just as a friend, but _maybe_ as something a little more.

James stepped out of the car and quietly led Regulus down the short walk towards the house. As they reached the door, James stopped and turned to him. 

"Thank you, Reggie. For...well...that." He nodded towards the car with a small smile on his face.

"Don't mention it, Potter," Regulus replied as a pale blush spread across his cheeks. "Really."

"Right," James said with a light laugh. "And come on, call me James. We're way beyond you needing to call me by my last name." 

He looked up into the younger man's eyes and offered a crooked smile. It was a tired one, not nearly his best and yet he didn't feel too self-conscious. He couldn't when Regulus was looking down at him with rain drops in his eyelashes and that blush painting his pale cheeks. 

"Maybe tomorrow, Potter."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How long do you think it'll take these boys to talk about their actual feelings for each other? Let us know in the comments below! And you can chat with us on Tumblr at @neromarcove and @wolfywordweaver any time you want.


	13. Chapter 13

Blinking against the pain bursting behind his eyes, Remus struggled to cling to consciousness. Another wet swipe against his cheek reminded him that sleeping wasn't really an option at the moment regardless of how groggy he was. Another blink didn't help the burning sensation in his eyes as a reminder that he hadn't gotten a lot of sleep last night.

Or for the last couple of weeks, really.

Ever since the accident on the ice he hadn't gotten a full night's rest. His head would fixate on replaying that afternoon, on all of the things that he could and should have done. He should have just told James that he was too tired to do another lift. Maybe he could have leaned his hips out a little more in compensation or twisted his wrist when he felt her over-rotating. 

Lily had repeatedly told Remus that it wasn't his fault - that it was an accident, a fluke that no one was responsible for. It still tore him apart. 

Remus sat up slowly and scrubbed his hand over his face. He took a deep breath and combed his other hand through the tousled brown hair before huffing in annoyance at the snarls. Ugh, his breath tasted terrible even to himself. His knee bumped into a glass bottle that had apparently fallen between the sheets after he drained it last night. There were several more lying on the floor.

A large furry black face popped into his vision before it plonked heavily onto his pajama clad thighs. Honey brown eyes glanced at him sadly and Remus felt a new wave of guilt.

"Hello, Padfoot. Are you ready for your run?" He gave the pup a small smile as he pet the silky head.

Padfoot gave a little "woof" as he leaned into the touch of his pack leader. His heavy tail thumbed on the floor excitedly, carelessly knocking the empty bottles around. Remus nodded to himself and forced himself to get out of the bed.

"Alright, Pads, let's get ready," he groaned before slowly stretching his arms over his body. 

He fumbled through an abbreviated morning routine so that he could appease the excitable dog and pulled on some jogging shorts and a tank top. The clothes smelled a little musty when he put them on but he didn't dwell on it too much.

Since the accident, Remus found himself running less and less. 

Working out less and less.

Caring about winning less and less.

A numbing darkness seemed to have draped over him and anyone who knew him well could see it if they looked hard enough. Hell, even Remus saw it as he looked in the mirror! His eyes were bloodshot with darkened bags under them, his hair an utter wreck that he hadn't tried to sort out in days, and he hadn't even shaved in a week. 

A disaster - that's what he was.

The one saving grace in the nightmare of the past couple of weeks was that he and Sirius had been missing one another on the ice. Because of Lily's need to still have help getting around, James had been scheduling their practices at the opposite ends of the day so that he could break between them and tend to his wife. With as much shit as he and Sirius gave each other, Remus was grateful for the fact that he hadn't seen much of that infuriating mug lately.

Shaking his limbs out in a lazy warm-up, Remus left his room to find Padfoot eagerly wiggling by the front door with his lead dangling from his mouth. It was poor form, but the tired athlete didn't want to be bothered with correcting his dog at the moment. He just shook his head and grabbed the woven lead before latching it onto the matching collar and stepping out into the cool air with his pup. 

The cool breeze from the ocean never reached out this far, but Remus was grateful for the dip in temperatures here in the valley where his parents lived; it made summer runs a bit more manageable. Setting off at a brisk pace, Remus hoped that the run might clear his mind for a bit and give him some much needed peace. 

****

After the run Remus took a quick shower to rinse off the sweat and gathered up his gear for practice. His mother already had breakfast prepared which saved him some time and soon he was driving to the rink with crappy pop music blaring on the speakers while he maneuvered through the dangerous traffic. 

He didn't exactly want to go to practice, but he knew that he had to. He could let James down any more than he already had. Working with Lockhart didn't exactly make it easier, though. 

The man was an insufferable fool - someone who was talented enough to think highly of himself but then turned around and thought too highly of himself and did whatever it took to keep up the facade. He had latched onto the opportunity to ride Remus' coat tails to a higher level of fame and if they hadn't been on such a time crunch and with so few options both James and Remus wouldn't have given him the time of day.

"Maybe I should just pull out too," Remus muttered under his breath as he pulled up to the parking space for the rink and whipped into the last available space. 

The silence after the obnoxious pop songs was almost deafening and he took a few quick breaths to ground himself before stepping out of his car and gathering up his things. He was thankful for silence in the locker room as he pulled on his sweats and a tan sweater . 

Lockhart was already on the ice, gliding in lazy loops and Remus allowed himself another heavy sigh as he took off the blade protectors. Pushing out onto the ice stiffly he moved to his skating partner.

"Let's get to work."

"Good morning!" Gilderoy greeted too exuberantly. "Let's dazzle the judges, shall we?"

There were no fucking judges this morning and it was a struggle not to snarl that at the man but he succeeded. None of this was Lockhart's fault. He just didn't care anymore and wanted to be done with the day. With the _season._

"Let's start with the warmups so that we can move into the routine as soon as James gets here."

"Right, good idea!" Lockhart flashed his money-making smile and Remus couldn't keep back the eye roll.

*****

Sirius pulled up to the arena and pulled their heavy bag out with a grunt. They noticed Remus' car parked just a few spaces down from their van and felt a little thrill go through them. It had been weeks since they'd last seen Remus practice and they were desperate to see how much progress he had made with that fucking Lockhart. James scheduling the two of them this close together must mean that Lily was starting to feel a bit better and that pumped them up even more. 

They were practically skipping towards the rink in excitement at this turn of events. While they would never admit it, Sirius knew that they and Remus fed off of each other's energy and even learned from each other. After spending so many years competing in the same circle it seemed almost inevitable and Sirius tried to ignore the fact that there weren't any other competitors they felt this way about.

Tossing their bag on the bleachers, Sirius pulled on an oversized sweater and began lacing their skates on over their black leggings. A small smile curved on their lips as they caught sight of Remus coming out of a spin, but the smile started fading quickly as he watched the two men skating together.

It was...dark on the ice. Not literally, as all the lights were working just fine, but the charisma and stubborn determination that Remus exuded in every move seemed not only muted but entirely gone. It was like the light he had burning inside had died and he was just going through the motions. 

No joy. No love. No real desire. Beautiful dead motion. 

Sirius felt their temper spike as they realized that Remus was acting like he had completely given up. How was Sirius supposed to properly face off with this shade of a competitor at the Grand Prix? The Worlds? The fucking Olympics?! Remus and Gilderoy might not even qualify with a skate like that! After last season's results, Sirius wanted to kick the man's ass fair and square! Not by default because he gave up!

They crossed their arms tightly and marched over to the gate to wait. When the pair finally moved off the ice Sirius grabbed Remus by the arm and dragged him away from Lockhart.

"What the hell, Black?!" Remus hissed as he grabbed Sirius' wrist to try and keep his sweater from stretching. Under his fingers he could feel the rapid fluttering of a heartbeat. 

"Don't 'what the hell' me, Lupin," Sirius growled as they continued dragging the irritated man further away. Once he deemed them far away enough from the prying ears of Lockhart he wheeled on the man. "What the hell was that out there?" they barked angrily.

"What are you talking about?" Remus muttered as he looked away from his accuser. He knew what Sirius was on about, but he didn't really want to admit it. It was embarrassing to be caught out.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about, fucker," Sirius hissed, those grey eyes flashing dangerously. "You're skating like a fucking amateur!"

An exaggeration, but it got the point across. 

"How I skate is none of your fucking business," Remus snapped. "Why don't you just worry about yourself?!"

"Because I want to beat the hell out of you, but I want to do it when you're at your best, you asshole! Not when you're throwing yourself a pity party!"

Remus was practically growling at Sirius now, more heat burning up his neck than he'd felt all practice long.

"It's not-"

"Don't give me that bullshit, Remus. Not to me." There was more than anger burning in those eyes and Remus didn't want to think about why Sirius looked so hurt. "Do you think that Lily wants you acting like this? Like a complete mess? You're being a fucking idiot! What happened to her is not on you and you skating like shit isn't going to make anything better!" Sirius stepped back and stared at their black skates, Remus' hand finally falling away from their wrist. "How do you think Lily's going to feel when she sees you skating like that?"

The two of them stood quietly together for a few moments before Sirius ruffled their hair in annoyance and scoffed before walking away without another word. Remus watched them walk away and growled in annoyance before resting his head in his hands. 

What was he going to do?

"Sirius is right, you know."

Remus jerked in surprise as he looked up to see Lily peeking around from behind the bleachers. He rushed forward and wrapped his arms around her in a careful hug before grabbing her cushion and helping her take a seat.

"Lily," he whispered, "what are you doing here? You should be resting."


End file.
